Girl Talk

Break

2012-03-05T09:42:00.001-05:00

I've decided to put Girl Talk on break for a short while. I want to make some changes but it will take time... and right now I have some other things that are more of a priority.

I'll keep you updated when I can and would love for you to remain a subscriber for when we come back!

32 Seconds

2012-03-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

I feel like I may have talked about this before, so if I did, please forgive me.

I heard on the radio a few months ago that on average, it takes 32 seconds for a woman to tell a secret. 32 SECONDS!! Seriously, people! That can't possibly be right, can it?

Even though that statistic simply boggles my mind, it really shouldn't. For some reason, girls seem to be notorious for this phrase, "don't tell anyone but..." Why do we do that!!? I'm not for a minute taking myself out of this problem. I know I've done it. I know I've told secrets that I wasn't supposed to tell.

Here's the thing. People don't seem to respect their own privacy these days. Even your good friends don't need to know everything about you. It's also not fair of us to put that responsibility on our friends to keep our secrets. We really have no right to get mad at someone for telling our secret if our secret didn't remain within ourselves from the start. We reap what we sow, right?

I have started to tell my own friends that if they don't want me to tell a secret, simply keep me out of it. As much as I value my friendships, I just don't need that drama in my life. I have plenty of my own, thanks.

Are you someone that talks too freely? Do you feel like you might be one of the women who would repeat a secret in 32 seconds? How do you combat the natural desire to tell something you're not supposed to tell?

Angels Among Us.

2012-02-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

I've always held the belief that there are angels that walk here on earth amongst us. And while I've always held this belief, I've never really known if a moment in time was a "touched by an angel" kind of moment. That is of course, until I became a mom.

We've all seen them. The moms with 2 or more children at the supercenter, grocery store or clothing department. Children hanging on her hip, one screaming for the blue tube of candy and the other whining just out of mere spite. Before I had children I always was annoyed with these women. WHY would someone bring that many children (or just one for that matter) out shopping?!?! Of course, now I know that sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, and sometimes a 10 minute trip to the super market is in order (sometimes for necessity and sometimes just for pure sanity sake, even though it may not seem like the most sane thing to do). Now when I see the said women with children who seem to be letting the whole world know that they're not happy about something, I pity her. I can relate to the chaos. And while words of wisdom I may lack, I can at least acknowledge to her that it's OK. She can keep on moving and life does go on.

When I am in the shoes of the mad woman, there is no better feeling that having an older woman come up to me and say "I've been there. You'll be OK." Or even if my children are behaving, having someone (and I've had men come up to me and say this as well) come up to me and say "don't take these days for granted. They seem so long, but they are short and I SO wish I had them back." Most people then proceed to tell me about their children, generally well into their 20s, and how these younger days were the sweet days. These people will linger, talk to my kids, wave back and laugh with them. In my book, they truly are angels (the bystanders, not my children... I have not lost my sanity enough yet to call my children angels- ha!). They are little nuggets from God that encourage me to stop and smell the roses. Not to fret about the mud in the garden but focus on the flowers. My kids ARE growing fast. And I don't want to be an older person who looks at a younger mother and regrets rushing through her children's childhood. I want to be an older woman who greets the young mom in the check out line with a smile, a twinkle in my eye and and pat on her shoulder that says "it's tough. But it's SO worth. Go home and enjoy those babies, because they're only babies once and your time with them is SO precious and short."

Pining For Spring

2012-02-28T17:48:00.000-05:00

Sorry this post is so late today, girls! It was one of those days (you know which ones I'm talking about?).

I think I am ready for spring. It's been a mild winter, but still. I'm cold and there reaches a point where you are just ready to open the windows and breath some warm air.

(It's supposed to snow for two days, but whatever.)

I recently went on a pinning spree over on pinterest of shoes I want for spring. I hope you enjoy the eye candy!

Source: charlotterusse.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Source: payless.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Source: target.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Anyone else pining (pinning?) over spring?

xo
sarah

The Face

2012-02-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

Two years ago I swore I would never watch American Idol again. I was pretty much over it. But then they decided to do auditions in Pittsburgh (finally) and since I live only an hour from Pittsburgh I decided I had to watch it hoping that the city would represent well and not have a gazillion of the goofy stories of people who can't sing.

Adam Brock is a Pittsburgher so we kept watching. Last week we watched as they chose the top 24. There were shouts of joy and there were tears. And Adam Brock made it to the top 24 so I guess I'll keep watching for a little longer. Maybe. American Idol sucks up so much time.

Anyways... so Mike and I were watching and they get to end of the show after the 24 have been chosen and then they introduce each one while they do a little dance. The guys were mostly just silly as they often are... and then the girls were on and I was all "huh!?" Almost all of them seemed to be trying to be "sexy" and made "the face"... you know the one. I bet you've made it plenty of times too. :)

It's the one where you push your lips out all "uh huh. Yeah. I'm allll that and a bag of chips too!"

It kind of cracked me up. It's totally a girl thing. Why do girls dooo that!?!?

Fitness Friday

2012-02-24T07:57:00.000-05:00

Hello Ladies!

I don't have much to say here today because I've been saying a lot this week over at A Hearty Overflow. I'm just going to share a few links in case you are interested.

If you don't already know, I'm going the whole year without eating sugar. What that means for me is that I am not eating sweets... cakes, cookies, ice cream, granola bars, candy, chocolate, etc. Those are all out for me. I'm also trying to limit things that have added sugar and find the best options out there for things like yogurt, salad dressing, peanut butter and jelly, etc. I started a blog series on sugar with all the things I've been learning along the way. If you want to learn a little more you can read:

Sugar: How Much Are You Eating?

Sugar: So Many Names

Sugar: More on Labels

I've also wrote up my progress with measurements and weight and put that on my personal blog today. You can read my Progress Report at A Hearty Overflow.

I also noticed Rainey had an update on her blog today. She's started P90X. You can read about how that is going at Sunshine on Rainey Days.

I would love to hear how you are doing! Write up a post. Grab our button from the sidebar. Then come back here and leave a link to your post in the comments. I'll definitely come by and read it!

If you would like to guest post for a Fitness Friday we would love to have you. Just get in touch by leaving a comment or emailing us at emailgirltalk(at)gmail.com. Anything fitness and healthy living goes!

Accentuate the Positive

2012-02-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

First, I would just like to thank all of you for your kind comments on my last post. I am really not a dramatic person, and one of the reasons I never put my story out there is because I felt like it would come off as an over dramatic, pity-party. But if it helped just one person know that they are not alone and that there is no one out there that has a perfect life, then I'm happy to do it.

Anywho, onto my topic of the day: Accentuating your best features.

There's been a lot of talk recently about not wearing make-up and how every woman should get away from that. I tend to disagree. If you don't wear make-up, that's great, but if you do wear make-up, that's great too! I don't like it when people act as though wearing make-up is a sign of insecurity or vanity. I mean, everything we do to make ourselves look nice is kind of vain, but I think also making a big show of NOT wearing make-up to prove a point is, too. Let's face it, if we never did anything with ourselves for fear of seeming vain, we'd all be stinky, rats-nest haired, greasy weirdos.
I don't wear a lot of make-up, but I do wear lipstick and eye liner on a regular basis, as I've always been told to accentuate my best features (which apparently are my eyes) and I just think lipstick is a good practice, as without it, I feel like my lips just blend with my skin. Sometimes I punch it up a little by putting on a slightly more dramatic eye shadow for evening, but I've become an expert on the 5 min. face.

There is a point where I think girls go overboard with make-up, but I'm noticed, and also heard from various make-up artists, that if you focus on one part of your face, but then tone down any other make-up you might wear, you'll look more natural, but just a little more polished, and that facial feature you want people to focus on will stand out without looking clownish.

I wear make-up proudly and I don't think it makes me look fake at all, so wear it proudly ladies! Or don't, if that's your thing.

What's your best feature? When you wear make-up, even if it's just for a night out on the town, how do you feature that feature?

180 Movie.

2012-02-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

Not sure if you've seen the 180 movie or not, but I felt like it was worth sharing. I know abortion can be a polarizing social issue. My point in posting this video is not to polarize our audience, but to share what I think is a great documentary and a powerful message. It's a little lengthy (about 30 minutes), so I would suggest you carve out a little bit of time for yourself before you press play. If it moves you (like it did me), I hope that you would share it with friends, family members and coworkers.

How Quickly Can You Fall?

2012-02-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

So - please don't judge me for what I am about to say.

I have been watching this season of The Bachelor.

In may ways I am ridiculously horrified by the whole thing. There is definitely the train wreck factor to it, so it's mostly entertainment for me :) but it has gotten me thinking ...

One of the reasons people criticize the show is because of the speed in which the contestants (boy that's an awful way to put it) fall in love with one another. How can you fall in love with someone in a matter of a few weeks? I've wondered this on more than one occasion.

But then I got to thinking - I fell in love in a matter of weeks. In fact, I think Bruce and I said "I love you" two (maybe three?) weeks after we started dating. And when I said those words I meant them. I had never been in love before and yet I knew. I knew then the same way that I know now.

Do you think it's possible to fall in love that fast?

Comfort

2012-02-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

I used to be all "I don't need a man. I'm tough. I'm independent."

But let me tell ya... I'm a changed person! And I like it. :)

Mike (my husband) was away for the weekend. Normally I am the one going away for more than a day at a time so this was different and kind of new for me. And I'm not sure I liked it too much.

I realized that Mike is like a constant comfort. I feel safe when he is here. Even if we are in different rooms and not talking to each other it's still a comfort.

But this weekend... I found myself leaving the doors locked all the time instead of just when I was sleeping. I wasn't liking watching movies by myself. The quiet was nice... but even in the peace something was missing.

I realized how much I've come to depend on Mike. And I'm ok with that. I like him. And I like needing him.

I also realized that that doesn't mean that I'm weak or can't take care of myself... because I took care of myself and the kids just fine on my own for the weekend. I just don't like life without Mike.

My heart needs him.

It's comforting.

Fitness Friday: Is It Worth It?

2012-02-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Source: amamabringingsexyback.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

I haven't ate sugar since sometime before Christmas.

Correction... sugar is in sooo much that it is difficult to avoid completely. It's in my ketchup (which I rarely use anymore), my salad dressing and my pasta sauce. That's about it though so yes, my sugar is very limited.

But that doesn't mean that I never crave it.

I'm an emotional eater and well... when you take your own comfort foods away it can be tough. Changes need to happen.

But I still sometimes crave.

And that's why I just love the picture above sooo much! Because it really just puts the truth out there. Obsess for three hours just to devour it all so quickly. Just to feel terrible and feel like you need to work out for the rest of the day.

It's not worth it.

Healthy is worth it. Healthy feels better.

I've learned that if I am obsessing about a certain food then it's probably because something is off in me... emotionally or spiritually. And food will never fix those things.

What are you learning on your journey to health?

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If you are a regular reader and would like to guest post for a Fitness Friday please contact us at emailgirltalk(at)gmail(dot)com.

or

Write up your own post today. Grab our button from the sidebar and put it in your post. Then come back here and link to your post in a comment. Anything that has to do with being healthy goes... exercise, eating right, a healthy recipe, struggles and victories. We want to hear about it!

This is a Tough One

2012-02-16T06:00:00.001-05:00

Every so often, I watch the show "How I Met Your Mother." It's not my favorite, and it is by far not something I would recommend for those seeking wholesome entertainment, but recently, one of the sub-plots has been interesting to me. Robin, the single girl in the group, found out that she cannot have children. She doesn't want them anyway, but she fears the news will affect her relationship with her current boyfriend.

In the most recent episode, Robin's boyfriend proposes, not knowing the baby situation. To make a long story short, the relationship ended after he heard the news (and also hearing that she did not want kids)... and that brings me to my main point for this post.

This episode was like watching my worst nightmare come true. I identify with Robin. You see, I have known for many years that I cannot have my own children. While I have come to terms with it and would actually be quite content to stay childless, I have a severe fear that this will negatively affect any relationship I have. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with the issue quite like Robin did yet, but I have literally had nightmares about it.. I have no idea how I would tell someone I'm dating about it or when would be an appropriate time... it would obviously be BEFORE I'm staring at a ring, but when?

I have experimented with telling some men at the beginning of a relationship, and it never goes well. I have found that most Christian men want children, but was rather surprised when I found out that having children of their own blood was often equally as important. I know this is not true of all men, and maybe one day I will find the one guy who will accept me for who I am, but as you can imagine, my fear of the day when I have to tell an actual boyfriend of my situation has grown, not lessened, over the years.

I tend to not talk about this with anyone, not even my girl friends. For many years, it was a secret that only my family knew. It wasn't that I was ashamed, but I was told that no one needed to know my business and it would probably just make things worse. Even now, I hesitate to put this out there on the Internet...you don't know how many arguments I will have with myself before I hit publish. Yet, I do write for a women's blog and this is a topic that I'm sure more women than I'm aware of deal with every day.

I feel like a lot of people think my life is great and that I have it all together. Yes, my life is good. I can't complain about the life I currently lead, but just like everyone else, there are issues and situations in my life that have no easy answer. I'm not saying this because I want pity. I just want other people to know that I've been there. I'm still there and there is really no end in sight to this issue. Weddings and baby showers will always be hard for me, not only for the normal single girl reasons, but for the ever-present black cloud surrounding my life that I feel can only get worse before it gets better.

Sorry girls, I hate to be a bummer. I've just really been feeling for awhile like I needed to share this at some point, and after watching that episode the other night, I decided now was the time. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. If you are also dealing with an issue like this, know that I'm praying for you... it's hard to trust God in these situations. Christian fluff phrases don't sit right with me and I have my good days and bad days with God. I just try to focus on the present and the good in my life now. I pray that one day I will get to know the joy of a solid relationship with a man, but also try to come to terms with the fact that may never happen.

I guess there's really no neat ending to this post, so I'll just say thanks for reading and listening to my story.

Jesus Calling.

2012-02-15T09:33:00.002-05:00

If you read my personal blog, then you'll know that these past several months have been pretty stressful for me. I haven't gone into much detail about it because I'm trying to be respectful of everyone involved in the situations that are being dealt to my family, but it's been a roller coaster to say the least. Over Thanksgiving, my mom handed me the devotional, Jesus Calling.

(image found HERE via Google Images)

I had heard of it before from several friends but never taken the time to go and purchase it for myself.

Yall, if you are having a hard time, and even if you're not, I HIGHLY recommend this devotional. It has spoken to my heart, it has calmed some of those "why" questions I have shouted at God, and it has met me where I am at in my hurt and anger. One of my most favorite quotes so far from this year has been this:

"Do not recoil from afflictions, since they are among My most favored gifts. Trust me and don't be afraid, for I am your Strength and your Song." (Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young)

What's YOUR go-to devotional?

So Much For Independence

2012-02-14T09:36:00.000-05:00

Bruce and I have both been having a tough time sleeping lately. Some of it is the fact that our house is extremely dry right now. More often than not I have a sinus headache when I wake up. We had been running a humidifier, but now we're running two. It seems to be helping.

We were also long overdue to flip our mattress. I'm not sure how often you're supposed to do it, but we've had this bed for over a year and haven't flipped it once. So Bruce suggested that we clean our room (like deep clean - I was dusting ceiling fans and scrubbing windows), flip the mattress and change the sheets and see how that - combined with the extra humidity - also helped with our sleeping.

Bruce was working late last week one day so I turned some old episodes of Buffy on (does anyone else love that show?) and focused on getting our room sparkly clean.

Trouble was, I was ready to get new sheets on the bed before Bruce got home. But the mattress hadn't been flipped.

So I tried to do it by myself.

What. A. Terrible. Idea.

I pulled something in my back and have been in so much pain (the kind of pain that sends shooting daggers through your leg) ever since. It's getting better (if it wasn't I would go see a doctor) but WOW.

The annoying thing is that I didn't really even flip it. I lifted it up (so it was perpendicular to the bed) and then decided it was a bad idea and that I should wait for Bruce. We have one of those double-duty extra thick mattresses and I just wasn't sure I could keep it in control to flip it.

(Then an hour later the pain started).

The more annoying thing is that when Bruce got home I asked him if he would help me. He walked into the bedroom, lifted it, turned it and flipped it. He didn't need help. He didn't grunt and groan. He hasn't spent the past week in pain. It was like I asked him to flip a switch.

So much for my independence.

On Chances and Deadlines

2012-02-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

I was visiting with my sister last week and we got to talking about kids. I have my two. Liza is 5 and Jason turns 4 in a week. My sister has two girls that just turned 7 and 3.

We got to talking about having more and whether or not we wanted to do that.

Honestly... I don't want to have any more. I've been done since I was pregnant with Jason. I felt like he was the last and I've been ok with that ever since. But it's easy for me... I have a boy and a girl.

Had I had two girls I might want to go once more in the hopes of having a boy.

And that is where my sister is at. Two girls. Maybe the next would be a boy.

Maybe.

It's a chance that many just have to take. And of course they are always happy with whatever they get.

But it's still a chance.

And then there are deadlines. I always told Mike that once I hit 35 I'm not having any more babies. He's fine with our two as well but I remind him from time to time that this baby maker has a deadline. And I'm sticking to it.

How about you?? Did you take the chance? Do you have a deadline?

Fitness Friday: Choices

2012-02-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday!!

How are you doing with all of your healthy goals?? Are you still exercising? Eating well?

I am... but I will admit that it isn't always easy. Yesterday I did NOT want to get moving. My husband was great and motivated me to start the exercise though and once I did I was glad that I was doing it.

Eating is a little difficult this week because of where I am in my cycle... but I'm determined to never let that be an excuse to eat the wrong foods any more. So even though I do eat more, I make sure I am still making good choices.

Source: Uploaded by user via Laura on Pinterest

Choices.

It's what it all comes down to.

The choice to eat well or eat poorly.

The choice to move or to stay on your butt.

The choice to quit or the to keep going even when you don't feel like it.

What kind of choices are you making today?

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If you are a regular reader and would like to write at Girl Talk for Fitness Friday we would love to have you! Just leave a comment or send us an email. Anything that has to do with healthy living works for us. :)

Strong Females

2012-02-09T06:00:00.001-05:00

I noticed something rather curious a few weeks ago. I've always been a girl who liked male artists more than female artists. When I played pretend with my friends, my favorite characters were always male. I don't think there was anything weird going on in my psyche, but I just think I found male characters to be more dynamic and interesting. In high school, I seemed to have more male friends than female friends.

However, recently I've started to find women artists that I enjoy. Two of my favorite "new" singers are Colbie Caillat and Adele. Those girls can really belt it out and their songs speak to me.

I just felt in the mood to share one of my current favorite songs with you. Colbie Caillat's "Brighter than the Sun", which I'm sure some of you have heard. I'm a closet hippie chick, so this video is just my style (don't worry, it's very clean). Just love it!

What are some of your favorite female artists/favorite songs?

We Don't Celebrate Valentines Day.

2012-02-07T21:39:00.001-05:00

I know I may come across as the love bug bah humbug, I have to admit it: We don't celebrate Valentines day. Atleast not in the traditional way. Sure, we say "I love you" and Drew may even get a card for me, but that's about the extent of our V-day extravaganza. I know I probably stand in the minority here, but V-day just doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.

I mean, I want my knight in shining armor (and if we're honest, most knights who are worth their weight don't wear shining armor-- they wear battered armor) to declare his love for me when he's not being prompted by every mass merchant and candy distributor in America. I want roses on a day when I've about pulled my hair out and my husband realizes that I need a pick me up and wants me to know that I am cherished. I don't want fancy jewlery or expensive lingerie... I just want my man to show me he loves me based on his own mental capacity, not someone else's promptings.

And so, we don't celebrate Valentines day because of it. Thankfully Drew agrees with me so we're on the same page. And he does plenty to make sure that I know he loves me. Knowing it's from the bottom of his heart and not the bottom of a Russel Stover's heart just makes it that much more special :)

Getting Your Vitamins

2012-02-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

I recently had some (routine) blood tests and it came back that my Vitamin D levels are low. My doctor recommended taking a supplement to get the levels back up.

source

I made a joke to Bruce that I should skip the supplement and spend more time at the beach. Vitamin is absorbed through the skin from the sun, after all!

(I'm pretty sure I couldn't get away with skipping work to lay out, though.)

I'm honestly not a big fan of taking supplements and medication, but I am also starting to realize that sometimes they are necessary. My mom gave me something that she takes (it's a Calcium / Vitamin D supplement) but I am going to take a look at some of the other options out there.

Does anyone take a Vitamin D supplement? Any suggestions? Anyone taking anything else to keep them balanced out? I think I am going to ask my doctor about Calcium, too - osteoporosis runs in the women in my family. :(

Guest Post: Pornography

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

Today's guest post comes from my wonderful friend Amy!

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Pornography is a subject that is normally looked at as a man’s problem. You don’t hear very much about women who are tempted by or addicted to porn. Pornography is also such a taboo subject within the church, not to mention the topic of Christian women being tempted by it. I have learned, though, that there are many women who are striving to follow Jesus who are also trapped in the web of pornography. More than likely, you know a woman who secretly deals with this addiction. Maybe you are one of those women.

A few years back, I found myself trapped in a porn addiction. I was trying everything I could to break free from it, but I couldn’t. I just didn’t know how. I kept trying and failing… and trying and failing. I was following Jesus the best I knew how. What I somehow didn’t realize, was that I could not truly follow Jesus and be looking at porn at the same time (duh!), even if I was truly trying to stop. So, how did this happen?

Before I committed my life to Christ, my former husband would rent porn movies, and I just eventually started watching them with him. 1 Cor. 6:18 says that when you commit a sexual sin, you are committing a sin against your own body. I have experienced the unfortunate truth of this scripture firsthand. I somehow thought it was harmless, and I didn't realize that I was doing so much damage to myself and affecting my future in countless ways.

Years later, I gave my life to Christ and married Kevin. Somewhere along the way, I found myself looking at porn online. I was trapped. Despite how degrading porn is towards women, I found myself thinking about it all the time. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't think I could ever tell anyone. I felt so much guilt and shame. I also felt crushed under the weight of the secret I was hiding from everyone, especially my husband. I obviously knew God was aware of what was going on, but I just continued each day as if He didn’t. I wanted help, but I just felt too much shame and embarrassment to approach Him.

I have since learned that many women deal with this issue. Many of these women are Christians, too. I always thought I was the only one. I have since learned that part of this trap for women consists of thinking you’re the only one.

If you are caught up in this web of addiction, let me tell you that you're not the only one!

Women primarily start looking at pornography from an unmet emotional need, or even stumbling across it online and looking out of curiosity. Some women look for an escape from their daily lives, while others use it to numb themselves from emotional pain. Then, after a while, the reason they started turns into something entirely different and becomes a horrific trap. I know for me, personally, it started from a place of wanting so desperately to feel some kind of intimacy. It was false intimacy, but it was as close as I could come to feeling the real thing. I didn’t know what real intimacy was.

So, do I still deal with the temptation to look at pornography? Not normally, but I have to be very careful to guard my heart with what I see online and what I think about, though. This usually comes as second nature now, but I’ve noticed that (for me) if I’m feeling particularly lonely, overwhelmed or bored, I need to guard my heart a little more.

A huge component of porn is fantasy. It wasn’t until I stopped looking at all the porn that God slowly started to reveal to me the world of sexual fantasy that I had built up in my mind. I honestly didn’t realize how bad it was until God started putting a spotlight on these lustful thoughts I was continually having. If you are married, or maybe one day will be, let me tell you that this is a huge intimacy killer in a marriage! Not lusting over or fantasizing about someone other than your spouse seems obvious, but for someone who is (or was) trapped in pornography, this is a stronghold that needs torn down in order to become sexually whole.

This is not an overnight process, but one that can be completed with God’s help! I am living proof. Once I started to deal with the state of my heart, and all of the junk in it, my compulsion to look at pornography started to subside. I have not done it perfectly, and I still have temptations from time to time, but I am now seeking Jesus for true intimacy and connection, not some ridiculous fantasy I have built up in my mind. Intimacy with Jesus is something that I’m just starting to really experience, and it’s awesome! There’s nothing like it. Pursue intimacy with Him, even if you don’t know exactly what that is…and you will be able to tap into something that is way better than any feeling a porn “high” can give you.

Maybe you're reading this, and you are trapped in the web of pornography. I call it a web, because once you start it's so easy to get tangled up in it and unable to get out - despite your best efforts and desire to stop. I encourage you to confess this to someone. When sins are no longer hidden, the power they have over you starts to subside. Talk to your pastor, Christian counselor or mature Christian friend if you're able to. Sometimes it's even easier to talk with someone you don't know as well.

God loves you and will help you make the necessary changes in your life. Talk to Him about your struggles. He already knows about them, anyhow! He’s not looking at you and pointing His finger. God does not expect perfection from us, but He does expect us to follow Him and turn our back on sin. Don’t let shame, fear and guilt and condemnation keep you in bondage. There is no mess or bondage in your life that is too big for Him to fix. It’s not too late for you! He’s holding His arms out to you and waiting for you to turn this over to Him. Don’t wait one more day. Freedom is just around the corner!

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You can learn more about Amy at her blog, Walking in Freedom. If you would like to talk with Amy you can contact her at amy.walkinginfreedom(at)gmail(dot)com.

Fitness Friday: Food Counts

2012-02-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

Today's post comes from my lovely friend Katie who used to have a blog but no longer does. (sad face) But I still love having her on to guest post.

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So happy to be able to ramble on about some health and fitness related things! This year has been a huge journey in health and wellness for our family, and I love being able to share about where that journey is taking us!

Today I'm going to talk a little bit about food. I hear a lot of talk about exercising, but I don't see as many people talking about the food that they are putting into their bodies to fuel themselves. Truth be told, I think food is just as important, and sometimes more so! The food you put into your body is directly reflected on your body. Often on the outside, but always on the inside. Are you setting up your body to be healthy? Or are you sabotaging your workouts by making poor choices?

I love exercising, so the majority of the time in my life I have been active. But not always have I been conscious of the affect my eating choices have on my body. I thought I knew what weight my body just "wanted to be at". It was the weight my body always stopped at, and I thought that it was just my weight. The one I was meant to have. My healthy weight.

Our family has changed out eating habits drastically this year. I am doing no sugar like Laura is, and we are moving towards a completely "real food" diet. We are also going organic, and because of that we are spending a lot of time learning and researching about food. Our eating habits are changing and it has been amazing to see the results.

The first week of no sugar, I lost three pounds. Eating real food (instead of processed food) has completely changed the way I feel. I feel awake, I feel alive, I no longer feel exhausted in the afternoons like I used to. My body is better during workouts. I all around feel less "yuck". And as a bonus to all that, my weight my body just "wanted to be at"? Well that was 18 lbs ago, and I think it's safe to say, that wasn't my healthy weight.

Don't let your food be what holds you back. Fuel your body appropriately. Learn more about what you are putting into your body, because the closer you look, the more you will see a lot of what we take in is just really not. good. Watch documentaries, read books, find internet articles. Don't be fooled by food claims that shout "low calorie" or "low fat" that are just empty foods that aren't really giving your body what it needs. Eat real food.

And watch your body and your quality of life change for the better.

(disclaimer: I am not a registered dietitian and don't claim to be. the end :))

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If you would like to be a guest blogger here at Girl Talk let us know! Send an email to emailgirltalk (at) gmail (dot) com.

Let us know how you are doing with your journey to health! Leave a comment or write up your own post, grab our Fitness Friday button from our sidebar and add it to that post, then come back here and leave your link in a comment.

I Just Want to Hide

2012-02-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

I have probably said this before, but I like being busy. It makes the time go faster and I feel like I'm being productive if I'm on the go a lot. The problem is, most of the time, busyness leads to stress.

That's where I am right now. I'm a planner, so much of my stress is based on my inability to cope with other people's indecision. When you try to plan something with multiple people involved, most of the time there is a lot of confusion before anything gets settled.

I was going to try to give up coffee for a week, but then I started trying to plan a vacation, and withdrawal headaches coupled with stress headaches were just not cutting it for me, so back on the coffee I went!

When I get stressed, it makes me less social. I don't want to be around others, because I figure I will probably snap at someone for an innocent comment. I also let little things that people say bother me more when I'm stressed than I would otherwise, so I just end up holing up in my bedroom in silence or with the TV on.

How do you deal with stress? Are you good under pressure or do you totally freak out?

P.S. I'm sorry if this post is a little scattered and does not flow very well. My head hurts as I'm writing this because I just realized it's Wednesday night and I need to write a post for tomorrow (Thursday) and oh my goodness I cannot deal and I'm not even going to proofread this thing ugh I just need to take a bath and get into bed GOODNIGHT!

Okay... I'm better now. Sigh.

Mom Secrets

2012-02-01T09:07:00.000-05:00

I've always been amazed in my blogging journey, that the more open and honest I am about my faults and failures in motherhood, the more I find that I am not alone. Why is it that on "paper" people will spill their guts, but when they walk around in real life, they are hardly able to tell people the true feelings they have towards motherhood? It's SO sad to me to know that there are so many women out there killing themselves on the inside because they are fearful of what people may think. Because guess what? I would reckon to say that most moms feel the same way you do. We should not all have to die a silent martrdom of motherhood. Let's band together and share our failures in hopes to learn from each other, and hopefully teach someone else following in my footsteps what worked and didn't work for me! I thought this was a good clip about mommy secrets. It was on the Today show last Wednesday, and I really enjoyed seeing some of the statistics. Hopefully you will too!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Naked Face Project

2012-01-31T06:00:00.001-05:00

Has anyone else heard of this?

The website for the project is here.

Here are my thoughts ...

I think this is a phenomenal idea. Girls should not feel like they HAVE to wear makeup, primp, have certain clothes, etc. etc. etc. to be beautiful. They should know that they are beautiful - inside and out - just the way they are. They should know it is okay to lounge around in sweatpants from time to time. Everyone should have a pair of moccasins that they can run errands in.

I get so irritated when people tell me I look tired or my eyes look heavy. I always want to respond, "Nope, I just have bags under my eyes."

That being said ... sometimes I like to primp! I actually genuinely enjoy painting my nails, it is kind of therapeutic for me. I don't wear makeup every day, but I do like putting on eye makeup and making my eyes "pop" a little bit. I love love love strutting around in 3 or 4 inch heels.

So I admire these two bloggers for doing the project - but I think I am kind of indifferent. I have days where I primp longer than others - but I never really feel pressured to look a certain way.

I don't know ... thoughts?

Dear Laura

2012-01-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

This past week a friend emailed me about a situation she is going through. She just wanted some advice and thoughts from someone else... and better yet, someone on the outside who is removed from the situation. Different perspective.

I read about what she was going through and what she was feeling and then I wrote her an email. And it just flowed... because encouragement and advice is something I seem to do well.

The next morning I woke up and reread the email I sent her to make sure I actually made some sense and I thought to myself "That was really good Laura!" And then I got to thinking...

There are newspaper columns out there where people can write in with their problems and situations and seek advice. (Think Dear Abby and Sleepless in Seattle) Perhaps some of you would like to hear a different perspective or get advice for something in your life. Could be serious. Could be silly. Could just be looking for simple ways to host a party and not get too stressed out or craft ideas for the holidays (for kids or adults!).

If that's you go ahead and write to me and we'll see what I come up with. I'll address the questions in a post with my thoughts and then leave the comments open for others to chime in.

There are a few ways to write in...
1. If you don't care if I the world knows who is asking then simply leave a comment. You can do this anytime on any post. Simply start it with "Dear Laura".
2. If you don't want everyone to know who you are but don't care if I do then send an email to emailgirltalk (at) gmail (dot) com and let me know you would like to remain anonymous on the blog.
3. If you don't want anyone, including me, to know who you are then log out of your account and come back and leave an anonymous comment.

I have no idea if anyone will take me up on this but it popped in my head so I figured I'd give it a go. Who knows... it could give us some good topics and material here at Girl Talk!

Fitness Friday: Small Victories

2012-01-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

Well, it's getting toward the end of January and many people who have resolved that this is the year to get fit and healthy have already given up on that. I hope you are still chuggin on and making progress!

I'm currently reading Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst (for the second time) and she said something that I wanted to share with you...

There typically is a honeymoon phase at the start of a new healthy eating plan and nothing tempts you away from healthy choices. But then you're invited to a party. Your friends are quick to say, "Oh come on, just one won't hurt. This is a special day." And that cheesecake does look good. The tortilla chips and salsa are irresistible. It is a special night. You can just start again tomorrow. Or this weekend. Or Monday. Or the first of next month.

It is so tempting to give in. Set things in reverse. Pretend it won't matter.

But it does matter and not just for the physical or mental setback. It's the denial of a fundamental spiritual truth that will make a healthy eating plan fall apart time and time again. What is this truth? We were made for more than this. More than this failure, more than this cycle, more than being ruled by taste buds. We were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth.

I am sooo tired of being in the cycle of losing and gaining, being healthy and then losing that.

There is a saying I keep seeing that goes like this... "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I hate that saying. (I realize many like it and that's ok too.) For me it's just not about skinny anymore. It's about MORE than skinny. It's about being healthy. For me... that piece of cake will always taste amazing. Ice cream will continue to call my name. Chocolate is never going to give up on me. It's a constant struggle. It's a whole lot of saying no to the wrong things and yes to the right things.

Because I was made for more than this.

Lysa shares that her journey to realizing that truth was through realizing who she is as a child of God. She says,"The truth of my identity as a child of God empowers me to believe that living in victory tastes sweeter than any unhealthy delicacy."

And that saying right there... victory tastes sweet than any unhealthy delicacy... that works for me! I love having victory. Even if it's just a small one. Every single little victory counts on this journey to healthy.

Later on in the book Lysa talks about how we maintain victory with each next choice.

Make each choice count!!

I would love for you to share some of your victories from this past week in the comments! Or you can write up your own Fitness Friday post on your own blog, grab our Fitness Friday button from the sidebar and then come back here and leave your link in the comments.

We are always looking for Fitness Friday Guest Bloggers. Please get in touch if you have something you would like to share with our readers about living healthy. emailgirltalk {at} gmail {dot} com.

When Are You Getting Married?

2012-01-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

I have had the toughest time thinking of things to write about for you all lately. When I started contributing to Girl Talk, it was under the assumption that I would be the "singleness expert" because all the other contributors are married. No problem, I thought. Singleness is what I do best! I was able to come up with some funny dating stories, had some rant sessions about being single and some conversations about the good things about singleness... but to be honest, my life isn't really that interesting most of the time, and I've really run out of new material.

However, a friend of mine made a comment on Facebook that people ask her all the time "so when are you going to get married?" Oh my goodness, I cannot tell you enough that single girls HATE THAT QUESTION!! It doesn't even make sense. Someday, when someone asks me that question, I'm going to answer, "Oh, Saturday, did you not get your invitation?" I wonder what response I'd get.

I don't know why people insist on asking this insane question. What do they want us to say? "Well, I've decided I'll get married June 1, 20XX, so I guess I better get searching for that husband. Excuse me, I better get a move on." or "Well, are you single, because apparently I'm supposed to marry the first guy who asks, so since you seem so interested in getting me hitched, might as well be you!"

I mean, I WANT to get married. I'll admit it. Every year I am still single is another notch on the loneliness belt. I get it that I'm not getting any younger, but it's not helping me to ask those questions. It's not like I forgot that men and marriage exist and by you asking me when it's going to happen, a light bulb is going to go off and remind me that I forgot to get married.

I never actually realized that this is a pet-peeve of mine until my friend said that to me. Obviously it is. Ugh, what's a single girl to do?

Well, I'm out! Gotta go snag myself a man. I forgot to mark it on my to-do list.

Catching Them When They Do Right.

2012-01-25T09:55:00.001-05:00

This Sunday at church, one of the points during the sermon was about catching your kids when they do right. It made me really think about my attitude lately. I'm so quick to point out when Drew or the boys do something wrong. Did Drew not tuck the sheets in right? Bring it up. Were the dishes not done when I went out? I bring it up. Did Brayden try to ride Connor like a pony? I get all worked up about it and ride his case.But if something goes my way, or if something is done in my favor, I often forget to give that atta boy. To tell my husband I appreciate him. To tell my kids that I believe in them or that I'm proud of them. Kind of humbling when I sit and think of it. I'm not doing a good job of this. And I need to do better. A little bit of positive can go a long way.

So my new resolution is this... to try and select atleast one thing I noticed throughout the day that my boys and that Drew did that is positive that day and bring it up at dinner. To point out the right instead of the wrong. I think that this can apply to more than just spouses and children. Do you have a boss that's hard to get along with? A friend who gets on your nerves sometimes? Try to catch them doing right. You might be surprised what a change in perspective will do to the situation as a whole. At least that's what I'm hoping for at our house :)

Asking For Help

2012-01-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

I'm a woman, hear me roar!

... But not when it cones to asking for help.

In that case, I get very quiet and timid. And keep my mouth shut. And try to figure everything out by myself. And make myself crazy.

Why is it so hard for some women (me!) to ask for help? Why do I feel like I have to have all the answers?

I want to make a poster that says, "I'm a woman, hear me ask for help because I know it is a sign of my strength, not my weakness."

We don't have to do it all ourselves, girls. We don't have to it all.

Little Dates

2012-01-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Meet my daughter Liza. She's five. And she is awesome!

Yesterday I took her on a little date. We went to Panera Bread because she wanted a bagel with cream and a cookie. So that's what she got. The cookie was a pink heart with sprinkles. It made her day.

After we ate we hung out for a little bit and colored... one of her favorite things.

To finish off the date we headed across the parking lot to Target where I let her buy two things out of the dollar isle.

She was in heaven. It was a perfect time out for her. So simple. So easy to please.

But really... I think I may have loved the time more than she did.

Liza is just growing up right before my eyes and it was wonderful to take some special time with just me and her. Time where I could speak to her heart and encourage her.

And that's the important part. Little girls need to hear that they are special and valued and loved. They need our time and our attention. They need to know they matter.

You don't need to have your own daughter to have little dates. Take your nieces, neighbors or friends little girls out. I'm sure they would love it... and so will you!

Fitness Friday: A Flaw in My Plan

2012-01-20T08:13:00.000-05:00

Hi girls!

I hope that you are doing well with being healthy!

I started making changes back around Thanksgiving and if you remember I had a workout plan. I did 30 days on level 1 of the Shred. I'm glad I did because when I started it I thought I would die. After 30 days I moved it up and was going to do 30 days on level 2 and then 30 days on level 3.

But I found that there was a flaw with that plan. Doing 30 days of the same level had me always working the same muscles and I missed others. Level 1 was good. I was able to do more and more pushups and I was working my biceps well. But level two had me doing a different kind of pushup and I felt like I wasn't continuing to go forward. And I wasn't working my biceps well anymore either... even though I was working other muscles, like my shoulders, a ton!

So I've made some changes. I'm no longer going to continue with 30 days on each level. Instead, I am going to mix it up. And I'm going to add in things that aren't the Shred because let's admit it... doing the same thing day after day after day can get boring.

I went on to Pinterest and found a lot of workouts like these and have been using them, combining them, adding to them...

Source: burningbeautyexercises.tumblr.com via Laura on Pinterest

Source: s3.amazonaws.com via Laura on Pinterest

Source: forthesakeofpretty.tumblr.com via Laura on Pinterest

It's been helpful to mix it up and I feel like I'm hitting all the muscle groups again and not just exhausting one.

So, how are you doing? Have you found that you needed to make changes? What does your workout look like?

You can leave a comment or you can write up your own Fitness Friday post on your own blog, grab our Fitness Friday button and add it to your post and then come back and leave a link to it in a comment. I would love to hear how you are doing and what your exercise plan looks like!

Social Networking and Your Weight

2012-01-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

I've been having a bit of writer's block lately and didn't think I would come up with anything for my Thursday post. I even went as far as to ask for one of the other contributor's to post for me. It's just been one of those months. However...

...I read a brief article in Women's Health that said having a large group of friends can cause you to lose weight. It was brief, because no one really knows why this happens, but apparently something actually changes in your body when you are socially stimulated that causes your fat molecules to convert to other types of fat. Blah, blah, blah, I'm not a scientist, so you should just read the little article to understand.

This got me thinking. On an un-scientific level, this doesn't really make sense upon first glance. For me, I usually go out to EAT with my friends, so how can having even more opportunities to do this help me lose weight? Thinking about it more, thought, I realized that when I'm around people, I'm generally happier. We may eat a meal together, but just the fact that I'm not sitting at home alone every day keeps me from snacking... so I guess that could be one psychological reason why we lose weight when we're more socially active.

What do you think? Are you someone who needs lots of friends? When you are by yourself for longer periods of time, do you find yourself getting bored and snacking more? When you're out with your friends, does it center around food, or do you participate in more active activities?

Do Everything.

2012-01-18T09:19:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to lie. Most days as a stay at home mom, I crash at 7pm when the kids are tucked tightly in bed and crying to get that one glass of water they forgot to drink. I often wonder what I did that day that mattered. No one thanked me for mopping up crumbs off the floor 15 times, no one thanked me for wiping their nose with my shirt, no one thanked me for washing 10 loads of laundry.... I think you get the point. Motherhood, in all it's glory, is (most of the time but not all of the time) a thankless ghost job. A job that if it is not done someone will probably speak up, but rarely do people recognize all that a mom does for her home. This fact often times gets me down. I am one who likes to be recognized for my accomplishments. Not that wiping noses or cleaning floors is an accomplishment, but at least for someone to give me an "atta girl" every now and then. In his defense, Drew does a decent job of trying to make sure I know that he values what I do for him and the boys, but some days it still doesn't fill my tank. Which is why the other day I was convicted when I heard the new Steven Curtis Chapman song Do Everything. The first verse is specifically about a mom. Perhaps my focus this whole time has been wrong. Perhaps that's why I'm not feeling satisfied when my husband DOES recognize me or when my two year old tells me that I'm a good cook... because doing it for the recognition is the wrong motive to begin with. I love this song. It reminds me to refocus my perspective on my job as a stay at home mom from them (and me) to Him.

Born This Way & Operation Beautiful

2012-01-17T09:44:00.000-05:00

Morning ladies!

When I read Laura's post from yesterday about photoshop I couldn't help but think about the Operation Beautiful movement that Caitlin started. The basic concept of the movement is that people right positive messages on post-its and post them in public places where people can find them, read them and be affirmed of their self-worth. She wants to eliminate negative thoughts and "fat talk".

Caitlin shares a lot of her research pertaining to photoshop and negative advertising and it is fascinating! She once said that hair in shampoo/conditioner commercials is digitally enhanced! So much for the product being miraculous.

I was watching (please don't judge me) the Kardashians one day and Khloe was at a photoshoot and upset about her body image. Someone tried to show her one of the proofs and she said, "I don't even want to see it until it's been photoshopped." Ummmmm ... yeah. Unfortunately, the photoshopped versions are the ones that we see and compare ourselves to - and the ones little girls look up to. That's not cool.

Take a look at this Peter Hollens cover of "Born This Way" that he did for Operation Beautiful. It's a great video!

Peace, friends.

Maybe she's born with it...

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

I love seeing how photoshop is used to make people look perfect so I loved this even more because it totally makes fun of it all...

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Fitness Friday: Heart Rate Monitor

2012-01-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

We have a guest post today from my friend Kim! I met Kim while doing aerobics classes at the gym and we've since become great friends. And she helps me stay motivated with exercise and eating right. :)

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Hi there! My name is Kim and I've been a Girl Talk reader since the beginning. Laura asked me to write about my beloved heart rate monitor for Fitness Friday.

Back when I was a FlyBaby, I was introduced to Jonathon Roche of No Excuses Workouts. His system of exercise helped get me started on my weight-loss journey. But what I truly love the most is the heart rate monitor he recommended. For those of you that don't know, a heart rate monitor (or at least this particular system) is a chest strap and a watch. The chest strap keeps track of your heart rate while you exercise. The watch is what keeps track of everything else based on the readings from your chest strap.

The chest strap fits comfortably around, well, your chest ... under your breasts. I actually tuck mine under my sports bra which helps keep it in place once I really get moving and sweaty. (The contacts need to be against your skin in order for the watch to get a reading.) My HRM/watch keeps track of how fast my heart rate is so I know if I'm working hard enough or if I need to step it up a bit or even if I'm working too hard.

It took a few minutes to get set up with my personal information, and if I could find the manual for it, I could tell you all the info I needed to enter. :) But it has been about 3.5 years since I bought it and the manual is not available at this time. (ie - it is lost somewhere in my house and will probably be found shortly after this post goes up) :) I seem to remember having to enter my birth date, height, and weight.

When I first starting using the HRM I would just use it to keep track of my heart rate so I knew if I was working hard enough. Then one day I finally read the manual, wherever it may be, and I discovered that it could do so much more! When you start exercising, if you start the stop watch, it will keep track of how long you exercise, your maximum heart rate, your average heart rate, how long you stayed in your target zone (must be something else that gets set up initially), and my favorite part ... how many calories you burned! That's when I really started to get motivated! If only I had read the manual sooner!

When I would finish a 60-minute aerobics class and see that I burned 650-700 calories, that was super exciting to me. Or finish a 30-minute cardio workout (treadmill/elliptical) and see that I burned over 300 calories. Woop! That's when I started wearing my HRM for other activies too, like mowing grass. We have a push mower and about 1.1 acres to mow. It takes me about an hour just to do the front yard. You'd be amazed how many calories you burn mowing grass.

Anyway, it has been incredibly motivating to me and I never exercise without it. I highly recommend using one if you want to get a true picture of how hard you are working. You might be surprised that you’re not working as hard as you think you are. I know I was.

If you'd like more information on the HRM system that I use, go to No Excuses Workouts and scroll down a little. Right now the cost is $67 with free shipping.

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Kim has a blog full of amazing pictures! You can check her out at A Fresh Perspective.

If you would like to guest post for Fitness Friday just send us an email to emailgirltalk(at)gmail(dot)com. You can write about anything that has anything to do with healthy living... Your workout plan, a healthy recipe, what motivates you, your victories and your failed attempts, etc.

Feel free to write a post on your own blog and grab our Fitness Friday button from the sidebar. You can leave your link in the comments for others to check out.

How are you doing this week? Do you have any tools or gadgets that you use to workout?

Listening to Our Bodies

2012-01-12T06:30:00.000-05:00

I have been sick the last couple of days with a flu or bad cold or something that just needs to run its course. In practice, I love sick days because... well, I don't have to go to work. For some reason, however, it's so hard for me to actually take a sick day. I want to power through and work even though I can't keep my mind straight on anything.

There are a few reasons why this is the case. As a woman, I want to be above getting sick. I am woman, hear me roar! I even went into work on Tuesday, only to realize an hour in that I was just going to infect everyone else with my snot and germs, so I left. I feel guilty staying home in bed sleeping for something as dumb as a cold, even though I know in my head that it's probably more than a cold. I want to be a strong, invincible woman who can do anything in any kind of situation.

Is it something in a woman's makeup that just wants to ignore our own bodies for the sake of the greater good? I know the office runs perfectly fine without me, but I don't like to think that. I want them to need me, even though I know they would get a lot more production out of a healthy employee than one who is hacking up a lung in her cubicle instead of working at full capacity.

Well, despite being sick more days than being well in 2012, I'm glad I took those sick days. I will be able to run at full speed when I get back to work and (fingers crossed) won't be sick for a long, long time after.

Do you have trouble taking sick days or just admitting that you're invincible? Is it a woman thing?

Unspoken Expectations.

2012-01-11T09:26:00.000-05:00

Last night as I put the last of the trash from dinner out in the garage, I sighed. The big trash bin was overflowing, the smell of dirt diapers was nauseating, and there was even recycling that had yet to be taken to the bin.

I sighed because I had an unspoken expectation. You see, I guess it's just ingrained in me that my man should take out the trash. I mean, he waits on me to wash the laundry and scrub the toilets, so it only seems fair that I should wait on him to take out the trash. The problem with this theory is that nothing is ever said. I just ASSUME. I ASSUME that he thinks it's my job to wash the clothes and scrub the toilet, so I ASSUME that he knows it's his job to take out the trash.

When I brought the whole trash thing to Drew's attention he said "Oh, you're waiting on ME to take out the trash???" He had no idea. My assumptions weren't fair to either of us. I was left frustrated and internally mad, which always comes out in shortness and snide comments. In turn, it left Drew in a lose-lose situation.

I guess my point in saying all of this is to remind us all that if we have expectations, whether they be of a spouse, a friend, a child, a parent, etc. that we should readily voice them (in love, of course). This lays the ground work for good communication, and can help us avoid an unwanted conflict because one party or the other has been let down.

How are you with voicing your expectations? Are you good about vocalizing things, or do you let things build up until you explode?

Patterns

2012-01-09T15:41:00.003-05:00

I recently quit eating sugar. It's not an easy thing to do but all things become a little bit easier when a friend does it as well! I love having someone to talk to about it all.

One day friend said that she was crazy sugar sooo bad. Insanely bad.

I've experienced that! It's the kind of crazy craving that if you don't do something about it you feel like you truly might just go crazy! It's really hard to not give in.

And it always happens when I ovulate.

I mentioned that to friend and she was pretty sure that it had to be the cause.

I pay attention to every little thing that goes on in my body. I know I crave like crazy when I ovulate. Sugar makes me constipated. I get migraines 3-5 days before I start my period.

Things happen during our cycles and when I can recognize the time and the symptom and how they go together I don't feel so crazy anymore.

Have you noticed any patterns?

Fitness Friday: Keeping Track of Progress

2012-01-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not usually one to write down goals and all that... just not my style. But I'm finding that with food and fitness I just might need to write a few things down. The other day while at Target I saw the Fitbook and decided to give it a try.

It's a way to keep track of goals and accomplishments. You start by coming up with a 12 week plan. You write down your current weight and body fat and also write out your goals for workout, nutrition and anything else.

Then you plan out twelve weeks of exercise. What will you do each day? Will it be a cardio day? Or a weights day? Or maybe a day to combine both. Plan it all out and write it down.

Then you break it down and just plan your week. Get a little more specific. If it will be a weight training day write down what your focus will be... Upper body, lower body? Arms and abs? If it's a cardio day get specific about what kind and how long. Will you run for 30 minutes? Will you do another day of the 30 day Shred? And then plan a time that you will be able to fit in your exercise.

There is then a page to record the goals for that week. Do you want to lose one pound? Do you want to increase weights? Do you want to run two minutes longer than you had before? You can also record nutrition goals like saying no to sugar or remembering to drink your water. And there is a nice little place to write down how you will reward yourself if you reach your goals each week!

And then it gets even more specific. There is a page for each day. You can record what weight exercises you did along with the amount of weight and number of sets/reps. Record your cardio and how long... and also the intensity you put forth, calories burned, heart rate (if you have a way to measure those things).

Each day also has a food log. Record what you eat throughout the day, make any notes about your meals and then rate yourself for each meal... did you do great, ok, or totally fail? Track your nutrient servings and you glasses of water for each day too.

Then at the end of the week do a little review and see how you did. Make some notes about the good things and the not-so-good things.

It's detailed. It covers pretty much everything. It will make me think about everything I do that involves healthy living. And if I actually use it throughout the year then at the end I will be able to look back and see all of the progress I have made... because I plan to do nothing other than make progress this year concerning my health!

How do you keep track of goals and progress?

And how will you reward yourself when you reach your goals? (I need some fun ideas!)

PS... If you would like to read more about my personal "get healthy" struggles and what I am doing about them head over to A Hearty Overflow for the update.

Plans for the New Year

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

Soooo, ladies, how are the resolutions going? Probably at this point they are still going strong, if you've bothered to make any at all. Perhaps I should check back in a month or two?

It's important with any goals we hope to achieve, that we have a plan. It's so easy to say, "I'm going to do this," but then just let it fall by the wayside because we were not intentional about the pursuit. How do we make sure our resolutions aren't just jokes and actually form themselves into success stories by Jan. 1, 2013?

Personally, I have faith this year in keeping at least or or two resolutions. One of mine is to make sure I exercise at least every other day. I have been doing this since before the new year, but I have been following an exercise plan, which you've read about on Fitness Friday. Except for a few days of sickness or minor injuries, I've kept to the plan and can see the end in sight... the challenge will come when I try to decide what to do next... but I am being proactive and already thinking ahead.

Another goal I have is to be more creative. The other lovely contributors to Girl Talk are all excellent photographers, and even though I do not hold any delusions of being as good as them, I am going to focus on taking more photos, but also writing and doing some actual crafty type projects. I used to be so creative, and have even written a novel (unpublished so far), but life has gotten in the way and I feel like the creative side of my brain is getting mushy. One of the ways I am trying to ensure that I stick with this resolution is to be intentional about doing something creative at least once a week. Right now, I've been trying to take a picture everyday... but of course, it's only been a week. We'll see how long I can keep that up. If not that, I have another idea for a writing project and should really pick myself up and start submitting my first novel to publishers again.

So, in addition to my list of resolutions, perhaps I (and everyone else) should add "Have a plan to succeed" to the list. Nothing ever got accomplished by just thinking up an idea. A plan had to be put into action to get a final result.

Do you have a resolution this year and do you think you'll have trouble sticking to them? Do you have a plan in place to help you to stick with it?

A Mommy's Letter to Her Child | Michelle Duggar.

2012-01-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

I've written of the Duggar's before. I have great respect for their family, regardless of whether or not I agree with having a basketful of children. The Lord has surely blessed them for their unwavering faith.

You may have seen some of the recent news, both of their pregnancy announcement, and then the loss of that pregnancy in the 2nd trimester. They recently had a service for their little girl, named Jubilee Shalom Duggar. And I recently stumbled upon this video that Michelle recorded for her baby girl. I so respect this woman. She may have a slew more children than I ever would want, but she's an amazing mom to all of them, even her angel babies. Grab a tissue if you watch this. You'll need it.

Jubilee Shalom Duggar from WMtek Inc on Vimeo.

The Need For Friends

2012-01-03T06:00:00.001-05:00

Nine months ago, my sweet husband and I packed up our house and moved to Rehoboth, Massachusetts, where I had been called as the new pastor of the UCC church in town. I pretty much dove right into my job, working 7 days a week and never letting an hour go by (with the exception of sleeping, although work did sneak into my dreams every now and then) where I wasn't thinking about work or actually working. It is not healthy and I wouldn't recommend it.

My first Christmas with my new church was tough. My grandmother died suddenly and all of a sudden I was balancing the role of worn out pastor with the role of grieving granddaughter. Months ago I had planned to take the week after Christmas off - little did I know how much I would really need it when I made those plans. I have spent the past week in full-on relaxation mode. I didn't go anywhere, did a lot of knitting (check out my afghan!), watched bad TV, did some journaling and tried to reflect on the last nine months of my life.

I have come to one pretty big conclusion: I need friends.

I guess that makes me sound pathetic. I have friends - I still keep in touch with my friends from Connecticut, those I went to high school with, college with and graduate school with. Facebook, email, texting and calling makes the distance between us seem much smaller.

But still ... there is distance. Calling or texting someone is just not the same as hanging out with someone. I love Laura's post on girlfriends from the beginning of December because it shows such a true and genuine spirit that comes out of women connecting with one another.

When Bruce and I moved to Rehoboth, we moved to a completely different way of life. And while we love the quaintness of small town life, it is hard to live in a town that is really structured around families when we do not have one of our own. It is hard - especially because I work so much and because most of my interactions are with church people - for me to make friends - to find girlfriends - nearby.

And there is definitely something missing in my life.

I am mandated through my conference to participate in a three-year New Clergy Group. My group happens to be all women - and two of the other girls are in a very similar place of life that I am (late twenties, committed relationship or married, no kids). Even though I live a little over an hour from them, we have struck up a friendship. Last week in the middle of my "staycation" I sent them a message asking if they wanted to grab lunch and do some shopping - it was fun to have girlfriends to meet up with! I hope we can do it again sometime.

The funny part about all of this is that even though my husband moved with me (and had less of a connection to Rehoboth than I did when we got here), he has settled in more quickly than I have! Through church and work he has made a few fishing buddies and if they aren't available he'll fish by himself and truly has loved exploring the area. He stresses less when our only social interactions for weeks on end are with church members and doesn't seem to be phased by the lack of friends the way that I am.

The different ways Bruce and I have handled our move and integration into our new life has got me thinking - do men and women have different social needs? I think the answer is yes. I also think that perhaps men are a little bit more socially adaptable than women are. I really do think that I crave more in terms of social interaction and friendship than my husband does. He is content to have something to do whereas I want something deeper than that.

Does anybody else feel this way?

And does anyone have any advice for me? I am sure I am coming off as completely desperate, but I have had several moments of clarity over the past week and I saw what is missing.

Water Your Own Grass

2012-01-02T09:50:00.003-05:00

I love this!

And I thought it a fitting post for January 2.

Let this be the year that you water your own grass.

That you take care of yourself

That you do the things you have always wanted to do.

Let this be the year that you love yourself

and love your own life.

Stop trying to be like everyone else.

Stop thinking that others have it all together.

They don't.

The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Although some are good at pretending that it is.

Focus on being a better you.

Focus on working toward your own dreams and goals.

Don't let someone else's "grass" get you all depressed.

Take the time to care for your own "grass" and enjoy it!

Water your grass!

Fitness Friday

2011-12-30T09:18:00.000-05:00

Christmas week is always the hardest to stay on track. How have all of you been doing? I'm not one to "diet" but then take off for a week... but I know that many do. Will you have trouble getting back on track or are you ready to go again?

I wrote a detailed update of how I am doing with exercise and not eating sugar. You can read that over at A Hearty Overflow if you would like.

I would love to hear how you are doing... even if it is not good. Sometimes just admitting that you haven't been doing well and then listing your new goals and getting some support is all that it takes to get back on track!

Make every day count!

Christmas Break

2011-12-27T12:43:00.002-05:00

I hope you all had a great Christmas!

All the writers here at Girl Talk are taking the week off. We'll be back to regular posting on Monday. And if I find the time I might actually pop in on Friday for a Fitness Friday update.

:)

Fitness Friday

2011-12-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

How's everyone doing??

Yesterday I finished day 30 of the Shred! It felt really great to accomplish that. I only took one day off to rest and let my ankle get better (still bothering me a bit) but then got right back to it. Today I will start level two and do thirty days with that.

But here's the thing... Jillian is a liar. She promises great results if you do the Shred. You'll just shred it all. Thirty days. Push yourself. Wallah! Transformed body.

Sure... I'm stronger. When I started I could hardly do five push ups on my knees. Yesterday I did seven real ones. My legs feel less flabby. My back is stronger. I always know that because when it is weak I have more problems. I'm stronger.

But I haven't lost any weight.

And that's my fault. It takes more than exercise.

I need to start watching what I eat too.

I'm back to not eating sugar. I have an addiction. (I wrote about that at A Hearty Overflow the other day.) Not even one Christmas cookie for me this year. I can't do it. I'm also going to work on portion sizes and healthier snacking.

I have ten to fifteen pounds to lose. It's going to take me a while to do that and along the way I hope to find better eating habits.

From now on it's exercise and healthy food choices... together.

What are your goals? What's the plan? Don't wait till January first to resolve to do better. Start today!!

White Christmas... or not

2011-12-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

As we come to the final days before Christmas, I hope that you all have come to the point where you can finally relax and enjoy the holidays with your family and friends. I don’t know about you, but aside from some very cold days, it doesn’t look much like Christmas around here. I suppose that is a good thing, as long as the snow and ice isn’t just getting a late start and plans to stay longer into 2012… but still.

I like a good winter scene around this time of year. Some of my friends would yell at me for wishing for a white Christmas, because once we get a significant snow, it’ll probably be here to stay awhile. I am just very much a Christmas person. I love the music, the decorations, and even the snow. I could do without all the gift exchanges, not because I don’t like getting gifts and giving them… but I’m just a horrible gift selector. Anyway, I digress.

Since it’s extremely possible that we won’t be getting any snow for Christmas, here are some pictures of past winter scenes in my area to put me (and anyone else who is wishing for, and not getting, a white Christmas) in the holiday mood.

The angel I put up in my front yard every year. Isn't she purdy!

This is my favorite picture from Snowmagedon last year. The huge tree in my parents' backyard was covered in ice!

Okay, so I don't really wish for another "Snowmagedon", but isn't that beautiful?

No matter what your Christmas looks like this year, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. Be safe and be joyful! Merry Christmas!

New Ways Of Communicating - Holiday Style

2011-12-21T10:24:00.001-05:00

I'm sure most of y'all have seen this, but I thought it was worth posting right before Christmas:

Besides the fact that it's absolutely brilliantly done, it also made me think about the fact that communication really has changed over the past 2,000 years - and continues to change! So what does that mean in our relationships, what does that mean in our friendships and what does that mean in our working relationships?

Personally, I think there are pros and cons to the "digital" age that we are living in, but we need to just think and use it carefully.

What do you think?

Merry Christmas everyone!

Influence

2011-12-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

Last week I wrote about the story of your life... make sure that you are the one writing it.

I kind of want to keep going with that thought... but in a bit of a different direction.

While writing the story of our own life we have to make sure that we aren't also trying to write someone else's. We need to leave their story to them.

Don't impose your standards of living on someone else. They may not have the same set of standards. They may not have been convicted about the same things as you. (Example... I don't do Santa. I don't care if you do.) Also... God has called us all to different things. We never know what He has put in the heart of others and it would be a shame to keep someone from that because we think they should live life like we do and do things the same way.

I also want to make sure that I let my kids write their own stories as well. I don't want to be one of those parents that puts unnecessary pressures on the kids to perform well in certain areas. I want to teach them good moral foundations and then release them to fly the life that God has planned for them. I want them to find their place in life because it fits them... not because I pushed them there. I want their story to be theirs.

We don't like it when others try to force us to do things... it's not fair to turn around and try to force standards on others.

Write your own life. And let others write theirs.

But never underestimate the power of influence!

Fitness Friday: What I've Learned

2011-12-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

Hi Ladies, and welcome to another Fitness Friday!

Today I want to give you a little background about my journey to fitness and what I have learned over the years.

I was born with a neck issue and as a result, my doctors advised my parents not to let me participate in sports or be overly active. While I did do normal kid things like ballet, riding bikes, running around with friends, I basically grew up un-athletic, partly because of my disability (but mostly because...um... I'm just not athletic). In fact, there's a picture of me running in a track meet, and while everyone else was clustered together close to the finish line, poor little me was about two yards behind everyone else, all alone. It's a pretty sad picture of my physical prowess at the time.

Fast forward a few years. I went to college having never done any real exercise, however, because I had more active girl friends at this time, I started becoming more active, too. I had a friend I called my "Exercise Nazi", who would make me go to the gym almost daily to work with weights. Working out with her was the best decision I made for my health during college. I lost the Freshman 15 plus some. By college graduation, I was in the best shape of my life and had learned that I cannot count on just eating right to get me through life. I need to be active.

As an adult, I still wouldn't consider myself "athletic". I participated in my first 5K a few months ago, and while I finished, I didn't show the best. But you know what? I learned from that experience that I can do it. I started doing the "Couch to 5K" program after that race, hoping to improve and possibly do another 5K and finish better next time. I take it one workout at a time, and even though every workout makes me nervous, I almost always succeed. I have learned that I have endurance and that I'm tougher than I thought I was, because I often have to push through some pain in order to succeed.

The main thing I've learned through my fitness journey is to set attainable goals. I didn't go into my first 5K saying that I wanted to finish in 30 minutes or less. That would have been impossible for me. Now, with the C25K Program, my goal is just to get to the next week. Every week I finish in the program is another goal attained.

So, here's what I want you to take away from what you just read:
1. You can do anything if you set your mind to it.
2. If possible, find a friend to help you out. Good, obnoxious friends are often the key to getting fit.
3. Set attainable goals. Don't set yourself up for failure.
4. Just try. You can't say you can't do something if you don't try it first. If you can't carry a tune, you probably didn't know that until you tried to sing, right? Why should it be any different with exercise.

Okay, girls! Here's a challenge. Set one fitness goal for this weekend and git'er done. Drop us a comment and let us know what your goal is, then tell us if you achieved it. We'd love to hear from you!

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If you would like to write a Fitness Friday post please get in touch with us here at Girl Talk!

Feel free to write your own post and grab our Fitness Friday button from the sidebar. If you do that leave your link in the comments so people can check it out if they want. If you don't feel like writing a post (or are not a blogger) you can also just leave a comment letting everyone know how you did this week or what your goals are for next week.

Christmas Cookie Overload

2011-12-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

This is less of a "post" about my thoughts on a subject, and more of an invitation to give your ideas.

I'm sure you all know that many people bake Christmas cookies until their houses look like a sugar factory exploded. I've never been one of those people, but I appreciate the people who do it, because I usually reap the benefits.

However, I probably SHOULDN'T reap the benefits. I'm curious if there are any healthier alternatives to Christmas cookies that we could think about giving as gifts this year... or is it pretty much a lost cause to think about anything "healthy" for the next few weeks?

I just thought that in light of our new fitness awareness here at Girl Talk, we could discuss possibilities. What are some food options that could be given as gifts that are not filled with sugar!? Are there any!? Please, notice the "!?". That means I reeeeeally need to know.

Happy baking, everyone!

Great Article on Marriage.

2011-12-14T05:00:00.001-05:00

The other day someone tweeted a link to a great article on marriage that I thought I would share with yall. I had never read this woman's blog (or her published work) before last week. Her writing is fluid, her thoughts clear, and her point was captivating to me. I hope that this encourages you like it did me. Happy Wednesday peeps!

The 99% and the 1% With Marriage

Gender Roles

2011-12-13T09:35:00.001-05:00

I was reading a blog the other day and the blogger (who is pregnant) was talking about her and her husband's decision not to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. They have a couple of reasons for not finding out, but one of the ones was kind of interesting to me. They don't want to assign "gender roles" to their child before the baby is even born.

This was actually really interesting to me. I kind of agree with what they are saying - as soon as you hear "It's a Girl!" brains tend to be filled with thoughts of pink nurseries and dance classes. "It's a Boy" and it's blue rooms and sports. Maybe not having the couple of months to plan only based on gender will allow people to plan based on personality once the baby is born.

But I wonder ... would it really work? I really do feel that there are certain gender roles in our society that people just conform to. Even something as simple as "girls clothes" vs. "boys clothes". Once the baby is born and everybody else knows boy or girl people will buy certain clothes and toys.

So that brings me to today's thought and question. There are definitely traditional gender roles in our society. I hate the "girls can do anything boys can do" mantra because men and women are not the same - we have different strengths and weaknesses. Certain "stereotypes" come out of those strengths and weaknesses.

But then - how do we use that starting point and STILL push back against the notion that men are superior than women? That women are capable of making their own decisions?

I have now officially confused myself.

But I will leave you with this quote from Shakespeare:

To thine own self be true.

Have a great day!

The Story of Your Life

2011-12-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

I saw this on facebook the other day and so many thoughts immediately ran through my head.

How often do we let others dictate our lives? Tell us what we can or cannot do? Box us up in their small minded boxes?

How often do we let someone's criticism of us define us?

I've been called all kinds of things. I've been told my ideas are crazy. I've been told that I'm too much.

There was a time when I let these things get to me. I tried really hard to be less. To have ideas that weren't so off the wall. I tried to be "normal" by others' standards.

But you know what! God made me this way for a reason. Crazy ideas make people rich. God made me in His likeness and there is no box big enough to contain God... therefore I refuse to be boxed in.

I don't want to miss out on my life because I decided to let someone else hold the pen.

Me and God write my story.

Who's writing yours?

Fitness Friday: It's Worth It and You CAN Do It

2011-12-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

Today's Fitness Friday post comes to you from Katie who writes at The Amazing in the Ordinary.

Fitness Friday is a new feature over here at Girl Talk and I am so happy to be able to come "talk" to you ladies today! I'm a momma of a (almost) 10 month old daughter and I have a military husband, and I am here to tell you that you CAN do this. If you saw the post on Girl Talk last week about getting started/weigh ins/measurements/goals and you thought "oh that sounds nice. but I don't know if that's for me. I don't know if I have time. I don't know if I can do it. I'm not very good at that," I am here to tell you that IT IS for you, YOU DO (most likely) have time, YOU CAN do it, and YOU WILL be good at it (or at least decent enough ;)).

8 weeks ago I started the Couch 2 5k program. Now let me tell you something. I'm pretty sure the last time I ran before this was my sophomore year of high school. HIGH SCHOOL, people. Now let me tell you something else, it was awful even then! I may or may not have been asked not to return to the volleyball team due to my awesome skillz.

Safe to say, I've never been a runner.

I also have a hard time finding the time. I have a 10 month old hanging off my arms and legs all day. My husband works weird and sometimes long hours. The timing is rarely ideal, but I found a 45 minute time increment that I could squeeze some fitness in.

I just decided to try. I mean, why not. Running is easy, and cheap, and you can pretty much do it anywhere! If I fail, then I fail...it's not the end of the world! So why not. And I started. The first week I think my lungs almost exploded and my legs almost fell off. I kept going though! Thanks to encouragement and accountability from my circle of friends (both blog and real life) and quite a bit of prayer, I kept going. Even through the week where I tried to wrap my ankle because it was hurting, cut off the circulation to my foot, and almost laid down dead on the sidewalk 4 blocks from house out of sheer agony (yes, unfortunately that really happened). Even through 30 degree runs. Even through subpar workouts. I kept going. Accountability helps. Encouragement helps. Friends help. Motivation helps. Prayer helps.

As of today, I can go out and I can run 25 minutes at a time. AT ONCE YALL! All because I kept at it and used the resources around me to succeed. I decided to do it, and I did it. It feels incredible both emotionally, and physically.

All that to say, YOU can do it. If I can do it, you CAN do it. Make a goal for yourself. Seek out encouragement in your life. Join with the women here at Girl Talk. You CAN do it, and it WILL be worth it!

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If you would like to write a Fitness Friday post please get in touch with us here at Girl Talk!

Friendship

2011-12-08T06:30:00.000-05:00

Laura recently wrote a post about having good girl friends that you can count on. I, too, was someone who has always been more comfortable with guys than girls, but since college, I’ve found that the tables have turned and my amount of guy friends has dwindled significantly. Of course, that is the way it probably should be, but I’ve still struggled with that, because sometimes my personality doesn’t really mesh with other girls.

I have always been very open… too open, really. I know I have written on here about needing to find an appropriate level of openness on this blog and my personal blog. I have struggled with keeping my personal life private, as well, even from some of my good friends. It is not because I don’t love them, but when people’s situations are different, they often don’t understand each other.

Recently, I have discovered the importance of keeping my good friend Dawn close to me. She was my roommate in college, and while we were friends, the stress of school, having very different majors, and living in such close quarters inevitably made our friendship strained at times. Now, as adults, we are much closer. I am pretty sure that living together helped us to understand each other better as adults.

Right now, Dawn and I have very similar lives. We both work in male dominated offices (although in very different fields), and are both single girls trying to find our way in lives we never imagined being in at this age. We have many of the same concerns and gripes, and can sympathize with each other, without chastising or even trying to solve each other’s problems.

I am definitely not suggesting that girls dump each other just because they may be at different life stages. It is important to have friends at all different stages in life, because when you get there, you’ll need their wisdom, most likely. However, it is incredibly important to be understood and accepted, and who better to understand you than someone who knows exactly what you are going through?

I love my Roomie, and I’m so glad she stuck with me through the stressful college years and has become one of my best friends. I encourage all of you to find good friends who understands.

Guest Post: Angel Behavior.

2011-12-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

Today we have a great guest post by one of my (Lindsey) dear, dear friends Christy. Christy and I met way back in our high school days. We went to Haiti together on a missions trip when I was a junior in high school, and the rest, as they say, is history. Christy and Brian are some of Drew and I's very best friends... those friends that a year could go by without seeing them but when we're together it doesn't seem like a minute has passed. I hope that you'll enjoy the words from my friend today. Thanks Christy for sharing your heart! (Oh, and if you want to you can check out Christy's blog at http://hutchinsinaustin.blogspot.com/). Love you Critty girl!

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Have you ever gone to pick up your children from a friend's house and when you arrive your friend starts telling you what angels you have and how well behaved your children have been and you stare at her with your mouth wide open saying, “Uhhhhhhhhhh say what?”

Well I have! My children are perfect little angels at all my friend's houses when mommy isn't around. You would think this would please me. I mean don't we want our children to be well behaved when I'm not with them? Haven't we been teaching them how to act, what TO do and what NOT to do?! I don't WANT them to cause trouble at someone else's house. I don't desire a bad report when I pick them up. However it does make me so curious why when our children are with US, the mommies, we hear the whines, the tantrums, the arguing, the fights...need I go on? With friends, however, not even a WHINE escapes from their mouths.

This actually REALLY frustrated me a while back. I felt as if my son, 2 years old, was respecting my girlfriend when under her care MORE than he respected ME: his Mother! Sleep was the main issue. When I left him at my friend's house and she put him to bed he would go down fairly easily with no arguing. Same for my daughter. But if I was at my friend's house and needed to put them to bed so the adults to have some adult time...all hell would break loose! There was NO getting them to bed. I cried to my husband one night (yes, with tears) that I demanded the same respect and that it really hurt my feelings that my kids would act out towards ME.

I'm a foster Mom. And having gone through a LOT of classes to help me deal with children I've actually come to realize WHY our kids(even my biological ones) do this. It may sound weird, but they do it because they feel safest with us. When a child goes to a friend's house or even a Grandparent's house...someone else is in charge. A little guard goes up for that child. Our children know that we love them unconditionally (or at least they should). Our children know we won't ever leave them. Our children know that we STILL love them EVEN when they disobey. But our children don't have that intimate relationship with my girlfriends. So they give them the “honeymoon phase.”

When a foster child comes into a home you are usually guaranteed a honeymoon phase. It will generally last two weeks or so. The kid is nervous and scared and doesn’t know me from a stranger on the street and so they are on their BEST behavior. But as the child realizes that I care about them, that I love them, that they aren't going anywhere...their TRUE colors start shining through. They relax a little and even start to see what all they can get away with and how hard to push my buttons. And while my kids aren't scared of my girlfriends or their Grandparents...the same rule applies here, I believe! They are going to obey the rules when they aren't home because they don't know what will happen if they don't.

I mentioned this to a Grandmother the other day. She had commented that her grandchildren are perfect angels while they are at their house. She said her daughter always tells her how her children misbehave at home, whine, etc. But when at Grandma's....they are perfect. I tried to tell her that they do that because they feel safest with their parents so they let down their guard. I could tell she didn't buy it. She said, “Well they never want to leave here!” Well of course they don't! It's Grandma and Grandpa's house! It's fun! They get spoiled! But I guarantee that if the children had to stay there longer than two weeks or were suddenly being raised by the Grandparents....these “perfect children” would be perfect no more.

After learning these things I've come to accept it. You should too! I mean I've done SOMETHING right in the fact that my children know at least some proper rules when they go to another person's home. And I do love hearing how great my children are. Hehe And if I'm honest with myself I like that my children feel 100% themselves with me. They are free to see what happens when they disobey. It's part of learning. There are consequences....OHHHHH there are consequences, but still the unconditional love is always there. I'm not saying that you shouldn't expect obedience in your own house. You should and consequences should follow if they don't respect you, but also know that they are generally going to be on their best behavior when under someone else's care. And they will tend to let their guards down with you, who they trust and love most. It's part of being a Mom...we are the teachers.

So the next time your friend says your kid is such an angel...just say “Thank you! I've taught them everything they know.” :-)

*I do have the best darn kids out there!

*************************************

(If you'd like to guest post for us, we'd love to have you! Please email us at
emailgirltalk@gmail.com).

Taking Care Of Ourselves

2011-12-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

Hi ladies!

I know ... it's been a few weeks. Truth be told, the past several months have kind of taken their toll on me. There is nothing that is terribly wrong - it's just a lot of normal young adult stuff combined with a lot of ministry stuff combined with some family stuff (my grandparents have had some health problems and I'm sad when I think about the fact that we're all getting older). I was (and am still) starting to feel the side effects from all of the stress. It's not fun - but it's a good reminder that we really do need to take care of our bodies in order to be strong and confident individuals. And I want to be healthy! So I cut back on my blogging her and re-prioritized my blogging over on The Strength of Faith and tried to focus on self-care.

Throughout all of this, my husband has truly been incredible. He has been calm and rational. He thinks based off of common sense and not always emotion. We can react to the exact same situation in completely different ways - my way causes a lot of stress on my body, his way just creates more fishing opportunities.

I don't want to generalize men and women, so I'll just speak for Bruce and me. It blows my mind how different we really are when it comes to how we handle life and stress. I internalize everything, I want to be perfect, I cannot stand it if someone doesn't like me and if something goes wrong I immediately think I am the one to blame. I don't get over things easily - there are definitely nights when I wake up worried about something that is going on and cannot shut my brain off. Heck, there are nights when I wake up worried about things that have happened in the PAST and cannot shut my brain off! The past! Why should that still keep me up at night? And yet he is calm.

Bruce tells me that it's all in my head, that I just need to not let my thoughts run away with themselves. But that's much easier said than done.

That being said - I have gone back to basics in my life. I have severely cut my coffee intake. I have tried to focus on eating clean foods. I have been guzzling water (and actually keeping track of how much I drink so I know I'm getting enough). I have been snacking in between meals so I don't ever get super hungry. I have been trying to better manage my computer time. I have been working out (so psyched about Fitness Fridays!). I have carved out time when I'm not working (being able to work from anywhere is a double-edged sword). And I'm trying not to be too hard on myself for not having it all turned around right away.

The verdict? I'm definitely feeling better. Perfect? No. But I hope that I continue to listen to my body and figure out how to do what's best for me. I hope it makes me a better person, wife, minister, daughter, friend and blogger in the long run.

I'm so glad to be back - I've missed everyone.

xo,
Sarah

Girlfriends...

2011-12-05T10:31:00.001-05:00

We all need them!

We need friends that we can be serious with but also laugh our heads off with.

We need friends that accept us as we are but encourage us to continue to grow.

We need friends that allow us the freedom to completely be who we are.

I used to think that girls didn't make very good friends. Then I got married and realized it would be inappropriate to continue with some of the closer guy friendships I had. I needed to find some girls to be friends with.

I needed to learn how to become friends with girls.

And I found out that they make really great friends!

Over the years many friends have come and gone but lately there seems to be many more coming than going.

With each new girlfriend my life is expanded.

With each new girlfriend I seem to laugh more.

With each new girlfriend I find another little piece of who I am.

Girlfriends... we all need them.

I hope that you have found some great ones along the way!

Because who else would laugh with you as you go off on an all out infomercial for shamwow undergarments?

BE THE KIND OF FRIEND YOU WANT TO HAVE.

Fitness Friday

2011-12-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

Sooo... who's in? Who's working on exercising more and eating better?

The other day on swagbucks the daily poll asked "Do you think you'll gain weight over the course of the holidays?"

The results...

I answered no. Not this year!

I think I'll even lose a little.

Anyways... I was thinking it would be fun to keep track of pounds and inches lost here at Girl Talk. I would love for everyone who is working on being fit to sometime this weekend weigh yourself and take some body measurements. You do not have to post your numbers here. Write them down for yourself in a place where you will remember. And then when you lose just let us know on a Fitness Friday post.

Here is some info on taking measurements...

You can find more info on the website I pulled this from.

Today is day number 11 of the Shred for me. I'm already feeling a ton better. It's getting easier every day and I don't feel like I am going to die anymore. It's also way easier for me to eat better when I am exercising and feeling good about myself.

How did you do this week? What are your goals?

I'm hoping to have others take turns writing for Fitness Fridays. You can share about your exercise program, your struggles and victories or any kind of fitness or eating healthy tip that you have. If you are interested in writing for one of our Fitness Fridays let me know!

Oh... and I plan on going right through the holidays. :)

Winter Blues

2011-12-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Happy December, Everyone!! I love this time of year!

Despite all the celebrating this time of year, I have started to experience a little bit of the blues. I loooove Christmas time, and love to decorate and eat yummy food, but there is just something in the air recently for me that makes me feel a little down.

I know what it is. I'm getting to the point where being single is getting very old. I know I'm supposed to be content in whatever situation I find myself, and I am, most of the time. There's just something about the holidays that really brings out the fact that I'm single.

I'm sure there are many other reasons why people get the blues during the holidays. We tend to lead more sedentary lives during the winter months. We definitely eat more. We spend a lot more money around this time than usual.

So what to do to combat these feelings that threaten to overwhelm us sometimes? Personally, I have turned to exercise as a something to keep me occupied. It helps in a lot of ways (maybe not the singleness part, but I haven't quite figured that one out yet) and makes me feel good about myself and my accomplishments and not so focused on what is wrong in my life at the moment.

What do you do to ward off "The Winter Blues"? Do you find it really is something you have to deal with this time of year?

Gettin' Fit

2011-11-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

Soooo... I've been a complete slacker in the fitness department. I even canceled my gym membership because I wasn't using it and I'm a firm believer in NOT paying for things you don't use.

The problem was that I was stuck. I wanted to feel good but I was soooo bored with exercise. I just couldn't make myself do it anymore.

Then I started eating bad on top of being stationary.

NOT GOOD!

However, a week ago I developed a plan. And I started it. :)

I am doing the 30 Day Shred. But the plan is to do it for 90 days.

I will do 30 days on the first level. I started out with my two pound weights and have just graduated to the three pound weights on half of the exercises. I knew if I started too hard that I would just get beat up and discouraged. I needed a plan that was doable. I've completed seven days. Today is day eight.

And I'm feeling good.

And I've been eating much better since Thanksgiving.

It's amazing the difference that a week can make!

My hope is that by the end of 30 days on level one that I will be able to use the five pound weights and kill the workout instead of it killing me. Then I will move on to level 2 and do 30 days there and then the same with level 3.

I can do any workout for thirty days. Right?

Anyways... I know a few of you have recently begun some new workout plans. Exercise and eating right is always easier when you have a group for support, encouragement and accountability. I'm thinking that since we don't currently write on Fridays here at Girl Talk that we could just use it as Fitness Friday. I will post a generic post (or my own update) and those that want to participate can just leave a comment with your victories, struggles, how you did for the week. We can cheer each other on and encourage those who are feeling week.

So how about it? Are you working on gettin' fit? Would you like the Fitness Fridays for encouragement and support?

Thankfulness in the Small Things.

2011-11-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

(source)

Last week our pastor began his sermon on gratefulness with this quote. I have to admit, my toes curled back a bit as I thought about all the things that I didn't thank God for. Clothes, running water, a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head.... the list goes on and on. The quote was a good reminder to thank God for the little things in life. The ones that I overlook and often take for granted. I hope you've been able to reflect this Thanksgiving on the things God has blessed you with this year, big and small.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T11:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I hope you are all have a wonderful holiday with your families and friends today. No doubt, we are all in the midst of a full-blown turkey-fest. Oh man, turkey, stuffing, pie! I’m so excited!

What are your favorite Thanksgiving foods and activities? Most importantly, what are you most thankful for today? I am most thankful for my family, friends, and having a job that I enjoy. Sounds generic, but it's the truth. I hope you all have a thankful spirit today and everyday.

Now go have a second serving of stuffing and take a nap!

Gobble, Gobble!

Marriage Quote

2011-11-23T09:02:00.001-05:00

I saw this quote on Pinterest this morning and thought it was just a nice follow up to Katie's post yesterday...

Source: etsy.com via Laura on Pinterest

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

If you need some ideas to keep the cooking simple or crafts check out my post from last year. I made a lot of the food in crock pots and did a few cute crafts with my kids and posted tutorials for all them.

Guest Post!: Attitude

2011-11-22T07:32:00.001-05:00

Today my lovely friend Katie from The Amazing in the Ordinary is guest posting for us! Katie is a stay at home mom who challenges me to be a better person and Christian with her blog posts.

************

A big thank you to Laura for letting me come write about this, as it is really something on my heart lately.

Back when Laura wrote the post about not saying "I love him but..." it brought up something that I am trying to work on very much so in my own life, but also wish that other women would stop to think about. I think it can turn a marriage around! And that is simply this: Change your attitude towards your husband.

I know plenty of women who are unsatisfied with their husband. They wish he helped out more (I am guilty of this one, often!). They wished he was more romantic. He's not this, he's not that.

Why don't we take a second to think more about what our husband IS. Sure, he isn't perfect (and shockingly neither am I, and neither are you!) but I'm sure there are plenty of things that he is good at. That he helps with. That he provides for.

I also try and think before I make a comment to a friend about how "UGH I wish he wasnt like _____, I wish he did more _____". Because how would I honestly feel if I knew he was doing that to me? I think I would feel like crap! And it isn't right for me to make him feel that way just because my expectations are too high, or my attitude is bad.

And that is the point. I think it's time we spent more time working on our attitudes and extending forgiveness instead of focusing on another person who we are incapable of changing. I know I can definitely (often!) use an attitude check.

Maybe then we'll realize that while we may not wake up to breakfast and bed every morning and walk downstairs to see roses and chocolate greet us, and he may leave his socks on the floor, the fact that he's hard at work to take care of his family is just as nice.

(and yes, I realize some husbands are not nice and are degrading and in that case I would encourage you to seek help from a professional/pastor in your life.)

Raising a Daughter

2011-11-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had a moment that caught me a little off guard. I wasn't quite prepared to have to deal with this so soon.

My daughter Liza just turned five two months ago.

Yesterday she told me she wanted to be a cheerleader. No problem. Go play cheerleader.

The problem came a few minutes later. She had gone back to her room, changed into a skirt and a shirt and came back out holding her shirt up high enough to show most of her stomach. She told me that she needed tape to keep her shirt up like a cheerleader.

I'm not ready for these issues. She is only five. She's my baby girl. And already we have to talk about modesty.

She didn't get it. She wanted to be a cheerleader and she was mad at me for not letting her tape her shirt up.

But this is one where I am determined to win. Not by force. But by training her to value herself and realize that modesty is a good thing.

In the book Nurture, Lisa Bevere says "How can we despise the ignorance of the younger if we have neglected their training?"

We need to train our daughters well.

What do you do about the clothes situations that arise? Do you teach your daughters about modesty?

Calm Countenance

2011-11-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” – Eph 4:31

Oh boy, this is perhaps the hardest command for me to obey in my life. Most of you that know me may think (hopefully) that I seem very nice and easy-going… but I do get angry, as I’m sure everyone does. Sometimes my anger is more in the form of frustration, but nonetheless, I let people and situations get to me.

I’m not sure what the answer is to the anger issue. I’ve heard the view that if the parents are loud and speak harshly to their children, there is a greater probability that their children will turn out the same way. Makes perfect sense to me, and I’ve even observed this very thing happening.

I don’t have children, but I wonder how my countenance affects others around me. If I act frustrated and voice my frustrations to people, I am no doubt influencing my friends and family to behave the same way. In this age of telling everyone everything about ourselves and our lives, maybe we need to re-evaluate and start keeping some of our frustrations to ourselves and try to let them go, instead of hanging onto them and letting them fester.

I hate to put pressure on women here, but I think this command may be especially important for us to work on. Women are generally the main caretakers of children, and even in our personal lives, women just tend to talk more, so we need to be especially careful about what we say and how we say it.

I don’t know. Those of you with children, how do you handle conflicts? Do you yell and bark orders, or do you try to be calm, even when your child is making you crazy?

Those of you without children, how do you relate to others. Do you find yourself complaining about situations and people and letting situations get to you? I know I do! I’m workin’ on it.

Perfect Bob Marley Quote.

2011-11-16T07:44:00.000-05:00

You know, sometimes I get tired of girls looking for the "perfect" guy. I feel like our view of what our man should be like is so skewed by the media and Hollywood that no one is very realistic or has realistic expectations. Anyways, I saw this quote by Bob Marley on someone's facebook status the other day and thought it was perfect.

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt ...him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” -Bob Marley

Find the man who's perfect for you ladies.... And throw your unrealistic expectations out the window.

I Forgot About the Kids

2011-11-15T13:51:00.001-05:00

This past weekend my parents watched Liza and Jason. Mike and I had the weekend off. We just stayed home watching movies and eating out. Relaxing. It was perfect.

Maybe a little too perfect.

On Friday night (our first day without the kids) we were watching Gone With the Wind. Neither of us had seen it before. We were relaxing and eating food. During the intermission of the movie Mike had to make a phone call. Another call came in while he was on the phone and he let it go to voicemail. When we checked the message we heard our kids saying "I love you!"

My reaction?

"OH MY GOSH!! I totally forgot that we should have called them at bedtime! I completely forgot about them!"

And we laughed and then called the kids. I told my mom and dad I had completely forgot haha.

I felt a tiny bit bad but at the same time I have to admit that it was sooo nice to be THAT relaxed.

It's not like I forgot that I was a mom... I just knew that my kids were being well taken care of and that I didn't need to worry about them. I didn't need to be taking care of them. I didn't need to think about it. And I didn't think about it!

It's been a while since I have been able to relax that deeply.

But I did make sure to remember to call the kids and tell them goodnight the next two nights.

Have you ever forgot about your kids like that? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

Change of Focus

2011-11-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

"I don't want to be right about what is wrong. I want to be right about what is right." ~Lisa Bevere

It's so easy to complain. I do it. I think we all complain at some point about some thing.

It's easy to pick out what is wrong with others and complain about that too.

Lisa says, "We are instructed to be wise or well-skilled with what is good and untainted by what is evil. Far too often I have been naive and unaware of what is good and brilliant and focused instead on what is wrong. For example. I could quickly rehearse the faults of others but was less intimately acquainted with their strengths."

We need to switch our focus.

Instead of always picking out what is wrong with people or programs let's start picking out what is right. Don't be naive about obvious issues of course. The point is not to linger there and become obsessed.

It's too easy to find what's wrong.

Start finding what's right.

Holiday Glamour

2011-11-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

With the holidays coming up, I started thinking about family traditions and how some change or go away with each generation. My family has gotten away from traditions and it really bums me out. We uses to have big Thanksgivings and Christmases, and now we don’t, which isn’t the part that bothers me. I do miss the traditions that went along with those big family dinners, though. When we went to my grandma’s, everybody tried to get a little dressed up and there were always specific things that HAD to be on the table. It sounds weird, but the thing I miss most is the dressing up.

The family that I get together with now would much rather hang out in sweat pants and t-shirts than put on a dress, which is fine... I guess. I just like the idea of making Thanksgiving and Christmas something a little more special than just the average get-together.

This year, I feel like going back to the days of getting a Christmas outfit. Remember when your mom took you shopping for a special Christmas dress to wear to church and to the different houses you had to visit? Well, just because we’re adults now doesn’t mean we have to stop, does it?

I think I’d like something like this for my holiday outfit this year. What do you think? (Sorry they're so small... they got blurry when I tried to enlarge them).

(source)

I think I might have to take a little shopping trip.

Does your family still get dressed up for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Preschool and Kindergarten Readiness.

2011-11-09T08:16:00.000-05:00

With Brayden approaching 3 years old next year, I have been seriously looking at what he needs to be at developmentally with school. He already goes to Mother's Day Out once a week, but it's more fun than learning at this point. Most of my friends who were or are teachers have stated that preschool is almost necessary these days because of how advanced Kindergarten has become. So we're looking at preschools which we will probably do when Brayden turns 4 (the year before he goes to Kindergarten).

In addition to actual school I've been looking online for different free resources I could use at home to help encourage some of the things he needs to know. I thought I'd share some of the websites with you in case you're in my boat, looking for ways to educate your older babies :)

No Time for Flashcards
This is a great site that has all sorts of learning and craft activities for all ages. I've known about this one for a while, but am just now starting to grab some of the ideas and bookmark them to do with Brayden in the upcoming months.

Kids Learning Station
I found this one today looking for worksheets I could print off. It seemed to have some great options for shapes; I didn't have a chance to look at the other sheets available.

Android Apps
We are about to get an Android tablet. It's been on Drew and I's wishlist for a while, but we also realize that education is becoming more and more digital and this allows us to do some digital learning with Brayden that is easy for him to interact with. I found this site listing some good educational apps... obviously since we don't have our tablet yet I haven't tried any of these out, but a lot of them look interesting enough and I will definitely be trying out a few of them.

The Year Before Kindergarten Calendar
We live in Arkansas, so obviously this site will be dedicated to the state requirements here, but I found the Department of Education site had some great resources on books to read and things to do with your child to prepare them for preschool/kindergarten. I plan on starting this next fall with Brayden.

Do you know of good resources, books and/or apps for phones and tablets for preschoolers? If so please share them in the comments-- I am in NEED girls!

Role Models

2011-11-08T06:00:00.004-05:00

Yesterday at women's book club, we got on the topic of the Kardashians (don't ask me how we got on the topic of the Kardashians at a church women's book club that was supposed to be discussing The Help). We could all agree on the fact that it is really sad that young girls actually idolize the Kardashian women when you think about some of the decisions that they make (ahem, 72 day marriages) and the emphasis they make on having stuff and looking a certain way (they look more and more "polished" every season).

So that got us thinking ... who are good role models for young girls these days?

We threw around a couple of names, but I thought I would throw out the question here, too. Who are your role models? Who do you think girls should look up to?

I really love him but...

2011-11-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

Ladies,

I have a peeve.

I've been hearing women say lately about their husbands "I really love him but..." and then they follow it up with something their husband does that just drives them nuts. It's usually said in a pretty negative way.

I don't like this.

I'm not saying that we can't have things that our husbands do that bother us. But saying you love him before you cut him down (it's still cutting him down even if he isn't there) doesn't nullify the negativity.

Have your one or two friends that you can speak with honestly that won't let you run down a path of negativity with your husband but will instead offer something constructive. And then when you are out with the rest of the crowd maybe just follow the rule of "If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all."

Our husbands need us to support them. I realize not all husbands are amazing... but we are responsible for our part. Going around complaining about our husband won't do anything but make our bad attitude about it all even stronger.

Praise your man. To his face and to your friends.

A Quiet Spirit

2011-11-03T07:00:00.000-04:00

^{Psalm 131}

¹ My heart is not proud, LORD,
   my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
   or things too wonderful for me.
² But I have calmed and quieted myself,
   I am like a weaned child with its mother;
   like a weaned child I am content.
³ Israel, put your hope in the LORD
   both now and forevermore.

It is so hard to be like this, isn't it! I read this passage last Friday and it kind of slapped me in the face. For my own situation, I know it is very hard to not question why something has or hasn't happened in my life. In my head, I know I'm in God's hands, but sometimes that is really hard to deal with. To accept that and simply wait for God (or anyone, for that matter) is a hard thing when you're the type of person who just wants to get things done and move on with it.

I believe a lot of women are do-ers and have a hard time waiting. If you're a mommy, then you have to do things for your children. If the house needs cleaning, many times you have to do it. Dinner - your job. If you don't do it and hubby's at work, it's not getting done. I think it's just ingrained in our heads that we need to do things or they won't happen.

When it comes to God, though, we need to retrain ourselves and just wait. Sure, I am not a believer in just sitting on my couch and waiting for the things I want/need to show up on my doorstep, but I'm starting to realize that "waiting on God" isn't about not doing anything for yourself. It's about not worrying about it. Just be calm and hope and pray. Pray that God shows you what you need to do in life. If you're single, pray that God reveals to you the man he wants you to marry, or, if you're not to marry, pray that he shows you what you're to do instead. If you're in another stage in life, and you're having an issue, pray that he leads you in the right direction. He will. We just have to trust and put our hope in him. Easier said than done, right?

Just Down in the Dumps.

2011-11-02T15:03:00.000-04:00

I'd love to tell you I have some eloquent tale of being a girl in the modern day. Of being a mom and how to overcome your mommy stresses. And perhaps on another day you'll be able to read of those tales. But today, I have nothing. I find myself sitting at my home in the quiet during naptime and I am completely and utterly exhausted. I'm exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally, and quite frankly, life has a lot of sucky things going on. My parents marriage is on the rocks, I have family members who are at a fork in the crossroads of life and depending on the choices they make could mean that they will make decisions that they will not be able to recover from. And I'm the oldest of the 4 siblings, so somewhere amidst all of the chaos I feel as though I have the responsibility to hold the unraveling strings of our family to somehow maintain a sense of togetherness in the midst of drama. Honestly, it's too much for an individual to bare. Thankfully I can honestly say that on the days where I feel most alone God has always brought along someone or something to pick me up. But I'd be remiss if I didn't say that I am tired of all of the crap going on. I just want life to be normal again, whatever that even means. Is there really even a normal left to life right now?

As if family drama isn't bad enough, there are some issues going on in our area that are directly affecting the quality of life that our family has at and in our home. I left a meeting last night completely disheartened, and honestly scared at what my boys are having to grow up around. This is far from the vision I had when I dreamed of raising a family.

This post is not meant to draw comments that are patting me on the back. I don't want, nor do I need, sympathy. I do need prayer though. HEAVY prayer. Please pray for my family, both extended and immediate. I feel like right now the more prayer my family is bathed in the better. And I know that even though right now things seem as though we are up against a wall and that there are some things that seem impossible, with GOD all things are possible. I'm not sure why He's testing me, but I plan to find out, because I want to learn the first time and not have to go through all of this again later in life.

Love And Marriage

2011-11-01T06:00:00.005-04:00

If you read my blog, you know that I was more than a little bit annoyed after yesterday's announcement that Kim Kardashian was filing for divorce.

{Read: Not My Fairy Tale}

So rather than spout off any more, I thought we could start a discussion on Girl Talk about some of the truths about marriage, as we know them.

I'll start.

Marriage is not easy, but it is also an amazing blessing. I love being married - it's amazing to always have someone to hang out with, to support me, to put me in my place when necessary and to snuggle with in the morning. On Saturday night, Massachusetts was experiencing Snowtober 2011 and Bruce was at work. I was FREAKING out because he was going to be driving home in the storm and was texting him before he left that I just wished he was home. He kept calmly responding, "It'll be okay" / "I'll be home soon" / "Soon enough babe" / etc. He took the drive nice and slow and I ran outside in slippers to jump on him as soon as I heard his truck pull in the driveway. The next day I was out with a friend and she told me that Bruce had called her husband before he left work that night. Apparently he said something to the effect of, "I don't want to worry Sarah - but how are the roads? I'm getting ready to leave." I find that touching on so many levels, I don't know why. It's so sweet that he was concerned, but didn't want to worry me. He is so gentle.

Anyway, I'm sorry for Kim Kardashian. And I'm annoyed that she is a role model for so many young girls - when in reality the girls that come here, read and chat on an amazingly honest level are more of a role model than she will ever be.

Love you girls. xoxo

Blue Jeans or Bubbles

2011-10-31T06:00:00.000-04:00

The other day Focus on the Family posted this photo of two photos on their FB page...

They were asking for votes... which one would be the better book cover.

I was really surprised that the majority went for the blue jeans picture for a few reasons.

1. The title is Be the Mom- Avoid attitude traps and enjoy your kids.

2. The blue jeans picture leaves me feeling exhausted. Why do we think that a mom has to constantly have kids hanging on her? I get it... it happens a lot. But we don't even see the moms face and I just don't picture her smiling. The picture I do have is of an exhausted looking, frazzled mom because she always has three kids clinging to her. Not a picture of a mom who is enjoying her kids.

3. I would probably not even stop to look at the book with the blue jeans picture. It looks just like any other mom book I would see on the shelf and I don't want to have kids clinging to me all the time.

So why WOULD I choose the bubbles photo?

It's quite simple.

I want what she has.

Sure, there aren't any kids in the photo (a major complain because "what is a mom without her kids") but I'm assuming she not just rolling around in the grass blowing bubbles by herself. I'm assuming she is doing that with her kids... ENJOYING her kids.

I was so drawn to the bubbles pictures. It just exudes joy.

I want to be that kind of mom. The one that others say "wow! She really enjoys her kids."

Because I do.

I don't think we need to be exhausted all the time.

One of the comments actually suggested that the bubbles picture is unrealistic and to make it more realistic they should have the kids blowing bubbles and mom on the floor cleaning up the spilled bubbles.

There is more to being a mom than the mess!

Be the mom who has joy and truly enjoys her kids.

Adversity

2011-10-27T07:15:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I participated in my very first (and possibly my last) 5K race. I'm not a very athletic individual and honestly did not have very high expectations for myself. I was pumped to be doing it, but was vaguely hopeful that I'd do better than anticipated.

Well, I didn't do better than anticipated, but I did about what I thought I'd do. I probably jogged about half the race, but had to walk some as well. I'm just not a runner... yet. I didn't have months to prepare for this, just kind of decided a month ago that I would do it, and you know what. I did it. I may not have come up on top, but I was not last. There were some embarrassing moments, but alas, don't we all have those? (I'm really hoping I got an "Amen" on that question.)

The title of this post means a lot of different things. 1) My body gave me adversity during this race. It did not want to cooperate, but I pushed on. It was reeeeeally cold and my legs didn't like it. 2) My mind worked against me a bit, but I tried to just focus on my music that I selected for my run and not think about anything else. 3) I had someone after the race kind of laugh and say "Oh Rainey, sports are just not your thing." Even if that person may be right, it really kind of crushed my spirits a little.

That last part, though, had another effect on me. It made me want to do another 5k. I'd said to one of my friends after the race, "Eh, I guess running is just not in me," but you know, I'm still going to keep doing it and when I feel I'm ready, I'll sign up for another race... preferably in the springtime.

Don't let people tear you down, ladies. Don't let people assume you are too weak or not smart enough to accomplish something you've set your mind to. I finished what I started, and to me, that is an accomplishment. I wasn't the best, but I don't need to be the best. I just have to DO MY BEST. That's all God asks of us. Do your best with what He gave you.

Beyond the Christmas Tree.

2011-10-26T09:16:00.000-04:00

There is a Christian song that has a line that says, "break my heart for what breaks yours..." I love that line. I really feel that if there is one thing that breaks my heart is children that are in need. When various organizations run benefits for children in need, I will sit there and look at the needs lists and just literally want to cry because I can't help each and every one of them.

One of the organizations that our family is going to partner with this Christmas is Samaritans Purse. Our church is actually running a drive for the Operation Christmas Child campaign. I thought it was a great way to involve Brayden with picking out gifts for someone in need. It allows him the opportunity to see that not everyone has what we have. We've watched several videos on the Samaritan's Purse youtube channel. Most of them make me cry (told ya I'm a sucker). Here's a video that shows the process of the boxes and what happens during the logistics of the program.

This is the video that I show Brayden the most, and makes me cry like a baby.

I mean, really yall? He is excited about a TOOTHBRUSH. May I never, ever, never complain again. About anything.

Brayden and I have little talks about the boy who will get our box. There are days when Brayden cries because he can't have the toys that are in the box we are packing. What a perfect teaching opportunity it is for me as a mommy to sit and explain with him through his tears that someone else on the other side of the world doesn't have ANYTHING and that we can share some of the joy of Jesus with him by giving him things that make BRAYDEN happy. It's slowly sinking in. And I love it. I am sure this is something that our family will continue to do from now on. What are some of the ways that you expand your kid's view from beyond the tree to other parts of the community or world? I'd love to hear some ideas as we try to build that foundational world view for Brayden and Connor.

(PS, if you're interested in participating in OCC, here's the website to find out more information:
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/)

Again With The Perfection Talk

2011-10-25T06:00:00.000-04:00

I really liked the comments on my post from last week about how sometimes we may inadvertently give off the scent of perfection. I have thought a lot about it over the past week and I have come to several conclusions.

No one is perfect.
You are going to encounter people in your life that are adorable, always well-dressed, have the perfectly decorated and perfectly cleaned house, quickly moving up in their jobs and/or always have a lot of money. Or at least it may seem that way. Don't idolize them. Don't wish you were them. Embrace the fact that you are YOU.
Encourage other people in your strengths. They might return the favor with you. Sometimes I think that, as a society, we are really not great at encouraging other people in their success, we are better at feeling jealous towards them. Jealously is not a productive emotion. Be intentional about not listening to that voice in your heard.
No one is perfect.
Things aren't always the way they seem on the outside.
There is nothing wrong with celebrating yourself.
Most people are, at one point in their life, a (for lack of a better term) hot mess. When you hit that point in your own life - and you will - do not hide in a cave. Talk to your friends about it. Reach out to get some help. Don't feel ashamed. We all go through it.
No one is perfect (did I mention that?).

Anything else I should add to that list?

No More Comparisons

2011-10-24T06:00:00.000-04:00

The other day at my MOPS meeting we had someone come to talk to us about early childhood intervention. Let me just say first that I think it is a really great thing and it sounds like an amazing program. I'm not knocking the program at all.

That said...

Wow! Is it easy to get caught up in comparisons between kids and end up feeling like your child is way behind when in reality he's not!

I heard the questions in the other moms voices.

Is my kid behind?
He doesn't do what so and so's kid does. Is that a bad thing?
Am I a failure because my kids doesn't know (whatever) already?
Oh! I'm supposed to be working on THAT already at this age!?!?

There are questions and paranoia and a sense of "My kid isn't doing enough."

It's easy as moms to get caught up in those thoughts. I freaked out for a moment when Liza was 2 1/2 because another girl the same age came in singing the ABC song and Liza didn't know any of it at all. But what I came to realize was that this other girl could sing a song that she memorized but she had no idea that there were symbols to go with the things she was singing. Liza on the other hand couldn't sing the song at all but she could walk up to the magnets on the fridge and tell you what 75% of them were.

I freaked another time because I saw someone else's kid who was younger drawing elaborate pictures while Liza was still scribbling. But then I realized that it just wasn't a strength of Liza's at the time and she did other things really well.

When we are constantly comparing our kids to others it's easy to see only the things that they aren't as good at. We see their weaknesses and we begin to worry.

But when I think about it... chances are that often you have two moms hanging out and they are both bragging on the things that their kids do well. They are proud moms and it's ok to share your child's successes. But it's likely that you have two moms going home both feeling a little bit insecure and wondering why there kid doesn't seem to be doing as well as the other one.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is this... go ahead and brag on your child's successes. And let other moms do it as well. Celebrate with them. Be excited about each others victories. And then go home and remember your kid is just as awesome even if he or she doesn't do all the same things as other kids their age.

Stop letting others set the bar for whether or not your child is where he or she should be.

No more comparisons. It will only give you anxiety. :)

Good Girl vs. Bad Boy

2011-10-20T06:00:00.000-04:00

Ladies, this is kind of an interactive post, of sorts. A conversation came up at work and I wanted to know your thoughts. Why are so many of us attracted to the “bad boy”? I’m not necessarily even talking about a Harley riding, tattoo covered version of a bad boy, either. I’m also talking about the guys who have an “I don’t need you. You need me” attitude. Why do we persist in trying to gain the attentions of men who either don’t feel the same, or won’t commit, or use us in times when it’s convenient for them?

I’ve been through it, and I know many friends who have been through it, as well. I can’t even say that I know why I’ve done it, but I wanted to know your thoughts. Has being attracted to a bad boy ever worked out for you? Has being an aggressive girl as far as pursuing a relationship with someone been a good thing in your life? If you’ve been through it and it hasn’t gone well, what is your advice for getting over it?

Control.

2011-10-19T14:25:00.000-04:00

I am a control freak. Probably an OCD control freak... ha! God has really convicted me of my controlling nature. Mostly with my kids and husband, but somewhat with my life as well. While I think it's perfectly OK to plan things out, I think it's not ok to obsess about things when they go a bit out of whack. Letting go. I'm learning. Slowly, and probably for the rest of my life, I'm learning.

I read a comment on another blog yesterday that mentioned this song. I had never heard it before then, but when I heard it, I felt compelled to share it. It's where I am. And if you're there too, then you probably will like this little reminder as well as I did. Enjoy!

Pretending Perfection

2011-10-18T06:00:00.001-04:00

I shared with a friend of mine the other day some of the struggles that I have been having lately. Nothing earth-shattering, but real tangible issues that I deal with (and sometimes Bruce and I deal with) on a day-to-day basis.

This friend of mine was shocked. She said (and I'm paraphrasing) - "Wow, I guess it just seems like from facebook and your blog that you've got a perfect life."

Whoa. I had to let that sink in.

We were having this conversation over email, so I read and reread and reread again that email countless times. How in the world can anyone think I have a perfect life? Between sort of being a newlywed, moving to a new town, starting a new job, being in full time ministry for the first and many other things I am forgetting, most days I am a hot mess. I seek to find balance, but there are days when I feel completely out of whack and not sure how to get myself realigned.

And yet - I think this friend of mine is right. I do blog about the good stuff. I blog about the balanced stuff (or the funny off balanced stuff). I don't blog about the times when Bruce and I fight, I don't blog about the times when I feel completely wiped out and burst into tears and I don't blog about the times when I don't feel well and it is likely because I am not taking care of myself.

When I entered into full time ministry, the tone of my blog changed. I was no longer just speaking for myself, but also for the 285 people who are members of my congregation. In the same way that I am careful about what I say from behind the pulpit (politics are off limits for me) I am careful about what I put on my blog. People who go to my church read my blog. For me - it's a boundaries thing.

That being said - I don't want to ever give off the scent of perfection. Because I am definitely not perfect! The interesting thing, though, is the fact that I think a LOT of bloggers give off the scent of perfection. I think it's human nature - we want to protect ourselves, but we also want to connect. So we connect with the good things and then no one knows the bad. I used to see other bloggers, think I was the only one who didn't have it together and feel really badly about myself. Then, one-by-one, I realized that people only blog certain aspects of their life and I started to cut myself some slack. I think I need to start being INTENTIONALLY transparent about why and how I blog - and some of the things that are typically missing.

I think there is balance to be found in blogging between setting boundaries and also being real. I know I haven't found it yet, but I'm hoping to do a little bit better in the coming weeks and months.

Have you ever struggled with real blogging vs. blogging with boundaries?

Life

2011-10-17T06:00:00.000-04:00

I feel like my entire life is summed up in cycles.

There is of course the obvious monthly cycle. And that cycle just kills me as it seems I am one person for two weeks and then I ovulate and become another person until I bleed. Yeah. Lots of fun for everyone.

There is the quarterly cycle where Mike and I fight every few months over the same stuff. Will it ever go away? Will it ever truly get sorted out and no longer be an issue? I hope so.

Then there is the daily cycle... breaking up fights, wiping butts and cleaning everything that I just cleaned yesterday. It's getting old. I don't know if I can stand to clean my house one more day. But I can't stand to live in the mess either. Don't get me wrong here... I'm not a super clean, everything shiny and it's place kind of person. I just want it to be picked up. Is that too much to ask?

And when all three cycles collide... I'm a total nutcase and that is why I have nothing profound to share with you today.

Does your life seem to run on nothing by cycles?

Strong, Independent, and Insecure

2011-10-13T06:00:00.000-04:00

I know that at this point, most everyone who’s going to see “The Help” has seen it. I’m not going to ruin it for you if you haven’t, but I wanted to talk about a particular character that really stood out to me.

Skeeter is pretty much the backbone of the entire story. Hers is the perspective we see most often, as she is the narrator. In the book, Ms. Skeeter is portrayed as homely and different. Readers get the impression, or at least I did, that she is plain, gangly and stubborn. We’re meant to admire her, of course, but we’re never really given the impression that the image given to us is incorrect.

source

In the movie, Emma Stone plays Skeeter. While Emma Stone has a unique appearance, she is very pretty. She’s tall and doesn’t really look like every other Hollywood actress I’ve seen, but she doesn’t strike me as the kind of girl I pictured as Skeeter. This got me thinking about women’s views of themselves, and how other people's opinions can color our impressions.

I thought Ms. Skeeter was a very good role model for young girls. Viewers could tell that underneath her confident exterior, she really did have a hard time with how people viewed her. She never thought she would get a boyfriend and just generally did not feel like she was as pretty as everyone else, but the reality was that everyone else in her town looked like a bunch of Stepford wives. She was pretty and unique, which perhaps was threatening to the other ladies. Skeeter didn’t see it that way, though.

So many people in our lives tear us down. Even in the interest of being helpful, many of these people just end up making us feel more insecure. Skeeter’s mother tried everything in her power to make Skeeter more attractive to the opposite sex, but at what cost? Sure, her mom was just worried for her future and wanted her to be happy, but in the process, she made Skeeter frustrated and like she wasn’t good enough, even for her own mother.

If you look at Skeeter, you will see a strong, independent woman with a brain, but also one that feels insignificant, ugly and unlovable. So many of us feel that way, and I often wonder, who is to blame? How can we change this? Can’t we have strong, independent women who also feel significant, beautiful and lovable, or are we destined to have women who only pretend to not need anyone because they don’t feel they deserve what they really want?

Signs that Make You Laugh.

2011-10-12T09:15:00.000-04:00

I've seen a couple of graphics that I thought were hilarious, so I thought I'd share them with you. I must first put out there that I absolutely adore my children, and that my laughter at these things comes more from the fact that it's just the truth on how you feel when your kids are young and they rely so heavily on you for their every move. Sometimes the best thing to do is laugh... and these made me do just that.

I found this picture HERE. It's actually a great blog post about qualifications for being a mommy.

And then when I was on facebook recently someone posted this cartoon. Oh my gosh. I laughed so hard. This is SO me at the end of the day. Too bad they don't make a pill for feeling this way. Oh, wait. They do. It's called coffee (although I prefer my caffeine in the form of Dr. Pepper). Ha!

(here's the link for the cartoon. I have NO idea where it came from, otherwise I'd attribute it to the original author).

And last, but certainly not least, another facebook dandy. Again, no clue who made this graphic or took this picture... I looked on the internet and didn't find it, so this facebook link for attribution will have to do.

For the record, I nearly spit soda on my computer screen when I saw this.

Guest Post: Peripartum Cardiomyopathy…Two Words that Forever Changed my Life

2011-10-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

Kelly is a teacher turned stay at home mom. You can follow her life at The Adventures of Ryan.

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All I wanted to do was have a baby. Mike and I were SO incredibly blessed when Ryan was born 3 ½ years ago. We never thought we would ever have children due to my endometriosis and infertility issues. We were a happy family of three and decided to give it one more shot and give Ryan a sibling he so deserved.

September 27, 2010 was one of the happiest days of my life. Ryan and I stopped at Walmart to buy some things after his tumbling class and I decided to grab a pregnancy test. I was already late so I figured what the heck. I took it as soon as I got home and there was a huge + sign! I remember running to tell Ryan that Mommy had a baby in her tummy. He was only 2, but got excited! I made tons of phone calls to friends and family and everyone was so thrilled. Little did I know this would be the beginning of the most horrendous journey I have ever experienced.

I knew something wasn’t right with this pregnancy from the beginning. I gained 25 lbs. in the first trimester and started swelling around 4-5 months. I was miserable. My doctor told me it was just part of being pregnant and he was very sorry I was so miserable. I would think the extreme weight gain would’ve been cause for more concern. I stopped sleeping about 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. By December I could no longer breathe when I laid flat and my heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to come out of my chest. I thought I had bad anxiety and so did everyone else. I slept…or tried to in the living room recliner or on the couch. The positive side of December was we found out the baby was a boy.

January brought on 2011 and I called my OB on January 6. I couldn’t turn my neck or get my legs into the car for all of the fluid. I almost passed out in Walgreens that morning. They told me to go to the hospital and so I did. They admitted me with a blood pressure of 167/111. I spent a week there with every doctor in the building trying to figure out my “mystery case” as they called it. I spent a week in the hospital. It gave us plenty of time to come up with a name for our son though. We named him Patrick Rex. We liked Patrick and Rex was my grandpa’s name. After all the high risk OB/GYN’s and Internal Medicine doctors telling me there was nothing wrong with me and ruling out preeclampsia, my OB called in a nephrologist. He believed I had an overactive adrenal gland causing me to retain all the fluid and making my potassium levels so low. I was scheduled for a procedure after the baby was to be born in May. Little did we know, it wasn’t a kidney issue at all. I was sent home on meds basically to die. All this time I had been seeing a counselor for my anxiety as well. We all thought I was going crazy.

By mid February, things got very, very bad. I went to my parents’ house 4 hours away on President’s Day weekend driving on no sleep. I STILL was not sleeping AT ALL. I started retaining even more fluid this weekend and couldn’t even walk ½ of the upper level of the mall. It was awful. I didn’t sleep all weekend, even sitting straight up in my Dad’s recliner. I drove home on Monday, President’s Day. I shouldn’t have driven. I could barely see where I was going and was constantly putting eye drops in my eyes. I had to stop and use the restroom about 5 times on the trip and could hardly breathe as I walked to the bathroom at each stop. By the time I got close to my sister’s house (I had to get Ryan from her), I stopped at a gas station. I barely made it to the bathroom and almost passed out. I was sitting there breathing so hard trying to catch my breath. I prayed for God to let me make it back to the car. I made it home, but I was in bad shape. Mike had to stay home from work the next two days to take care of Ryan. I was mentally and physically incapable.

Wednesday morning, February 23, I couldn’t even dress myself or move. I have never felt so anxious or scared my entire life. I was coughing, wheezing, and miserable. I couldn’t even move. My body was going into shock and I was dying. Mike rushed me to a walk-in clinic where they discovered my oxygen level was at 81%. They put me in a rescue truck and back to the hospital I went. After a chest x-ray that showed my lungs were completely full of fluid, a cardiologist was called in. I was on 100% oxygen and in the cardiac ICU for two days. All this time, Patrick was fine. It was me that was in trouble. I was moved from the Women’s hospital to the regular hospital after those two days. I spent the next week and a half on oxygen and was given a diagnosis of Peripartum Cardiomyopathy which is congestive heart failure caused by pregnancy. Patrick was on 24 hour constant monitor and I had a baby nurse in my room all the time. It took my cardiologist and a whole team of doctors from all over the state to figure out what was wrong with me. After a whole bunch of diuretics, I lost 40 lbs. of fluid in the hospital. My heart ejection fraction was at 45% (55-65% being normal for the average person). I was put on blood pressure medicine, diuretics, anxiety meds, you name it. I felt like a pharmacy.

On March 4th, I was released after being able to breathe on my own and come off the oxygen. My baby shower was the next day. I was glad I was able to go. I spent the next week going to all of my doctors…pulmonologist, cardiologist, high risk OB/GYN, etc. My mother came down and spent the next 4 months helping us out. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her because the next week brought the biggest devastation of my life.

March 14th was my parents’ anniversary. Mom and I went to the hospital for a high risk OB appt. and ultrasound. I had noticed that I wasn’t feeling Patrick move as he normally had been, but I did feel him rolling around. This was about 3-4 days prior to the appt. The tech did the ultrasound and gave me the pictures, which were terrible, and left the room to get the doctor. He came back, did the ultrasound again, and told me he couldn’t find a heartbeat. I didn’t really react at that point because he said he wanted to try another angle. Well he did and Patrick was dead. He told me, “I’m sorry Ma’am. Your baby died. I can’t find a heartbeat”. I immediately burst into tears. Thank goodness my mom was there. After all I had already been through, now I lost my son. It took me over and hour to reach my husband because the phone lines were down at his work. I called my very close friends and family to tell them the news. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, sister, her fiancé, and my dad all rushed to the hospital. I was induced into labor that night.

Patrick Rex was stillborn on March 15, 2011 at 9:57 PM. He was 3 lbs. and 16 inches long and looked just like his big brother. He was precious. My friends all came to visit me shortly before his arrival and I will forever be grateful for their presence and support. My sister’s fiancé took care of Ryan that night so that she could be there for the birth. He is an amazing man. We took lots of pictures of our precious boy and kept him with us until around 3:00 AM. We had the nurses come take him then. The autopsy showed no cause of death, just that his heart had stopped. It makes it hard not knowing why he died, but I just pray he didn’t suffer.

Patrick’s funeral was on March 23, one day before my birthday and the anniversary of our first date. It was a beautiful service held at our church. Our pastor did a wonderful job. We are so blessed to have our church family. We received meals, cards, and tons of support. We buried Patrick at a beautiful cemetery about 30 minutes from home. We visit him all the time and Ryan loves going to see his brother and bring him flowers. My mom went home on Father’s Day and I started taking care of things on my own again.

I am currently healing and my meds have been drastically cut. I am down to 7 pills a day instead of 18 like I was in February. My most recent appt. showed that I am no longer in heart failure. I attend a cardiac rehab exercise program twice a week and I am losing weight. This disorder and pregnancy destroyed my body. I have so many stretch marks that it looks like someone scribbled all over my stomach, legs, and arms with a red marker. I am just grateful to be alive and able to take care of my family again. Every day is hard, but I am improving with time. Sleep is slowly returning and I am learning to deal with the side effects of the meds. My wonderful husband is such a huge help with Ryan. I am able to do everything on my own now, even though it’s a struggle. I have learned to never take anything for granted ever again. Life is too precious. I wanted to share my story to make people aware of this disorder. It affects only every 1400-4000 pregnancies. I will be forever grateful to God for giving me a second chance at life. As my favorite preacher, Joyce Meyer would say, “I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be”. Every day is a better day and I thank God I am able to get up every morning and be with my family.

Girl Talk Hop: Recipes

2011-10-10T06:00:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of making the same things over and over and over. I was hoping lots of you would join in today and share some of your favorites so I could have some new things to try. :)

It's been a while since we've had a Girl Talk Hop so here is how it works...
*Write up your post sharing your favorite fall recipe.
*Grab the Girl Talk Hop button on the right sidebar and add it to your post.
*Come back over here and add the URL to your post in the form below.

Don't have a blog? Just leave your recipe in the comments. Can't wait to see what you post and hopefully have some new things to put on next weeks menu!

Heads Up

2011-10-07T07:15:00.002-04:00

Hey Girls!

Just wanted to give you a heads up that on Monday we are doing a Girl Talk Hop. (It's been a while!) Last year we shared favorite fall recipes and I want to do that again! So get your recipe ready to post on Monday. I'll have a linky thing up in the morning.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! We are going to be having gorgeous weather here in PA so I'm sure I'll be spending lots of it outside. It won't be long before the temps drop and we are inside all the time.

Are you experiencing the gorgeous weather this week??

Guest Post: My Darkest Secret

2011-10-06T05:00:00.000-04:00

Today's post come from Lydia who blogs at The Few, The Proud, and This Marine Wife...

Lydia, as you've probably guessed by now, is a Marine wife and has an adorable little boy! Be sure to stop by her blog and read her love story and check out the crafts she makes in LE's Military Corner... after you read her post here of course. :)

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If you knew me in college, you would see a happy girl. I was always laughing or smiling about something. People would ask me what I was smiling about, and I’d say, “Oh, I’m just glad to be alive!” or something like that. I tried to be encouraging and look out for others. I had a lot of friends, and to everyone else, appeared to be completely stable in my life. Yet, I had this one friend that followed me everywhere . . . to class, to play practice, to bed, and especially to meals. This friend was my biggest companion but also my darkest secret. I was a bulimic.

Ever since I can remember, I was always overweight. Even before I can remember, I was a chunker. Born into this world at 10 lbs 7 oz, I was destined to be a large girl. I look at pictures of myself growing up, and I wonder how in the world I ever had any friends. I wasn’t enormous, but in a small class of forty students (I went to a Christian school.), my overweight body definitely stood out against the average-sized and skinny minnies. By the time middle school hit, I became overly conscious of my weight. I looked around and saw my friends having “I like you. Do you like me to?” flings with boys. Oh how I wanted a boy to like me, but I had a strong feeling that my weight was getting in the way. I became obsessed with my weight and internally struggled with what to do. To make matters worse, one of my eldest sisters and I were not getting along, and she used my weight as ammunition during our arguments. Though I didn’t act like it at the time, the words stung and rubbed salt in my already open wounds. Those words stuck with me until I finally resolved to really do something about my weight.

Eighth grade rolled around, and I became even more aware of my body, boys, and everything else teenage years bring. I wanted so badly to be noticed. I wanted so badly to be accepted by the popular crowd. Most of all, I just wanted to feel good about myself. I was sick of being overweight, sick of how I felt. I was miserable and determined to do something about it. The first thing that came to mind was anorexia. I tried it for a day, and that was it. I liked food way too much.

Then, one Wednesday night, I went out for Chinese with some friends. The food didn’t settle well, and I found myself in the bathroom, with my head over the toilet bowl. After losing my entire meal, I felt immensely better and a wave of release washed over me. Then it occurred to me that this was how I could do it; this was how I could still eat and lose the weight. I hadn’t even considered bulimia, because I thought it would just be way too hard. But, after that moment, everything in my brain flipped. I wanted to feel that release again. I wanted to feel good.

It wasn’t long before I was sneaking off to the bathroom after meals, excusing myself from class to deter suspicions, and religiously carrying around a toothbrush and packs of laxatives with me everywhere. I couldn’t tell you when my darkest secret transformed from a weightloss idea to a control factor in my life. Yes, I was still paranoid about my weight, but the crazy thing is that it didn’t really do anything to help me lose weight. What I wasn’t aware of at the time was that bulimia actually doesn’t make you lose weight; it tends to make you gain and brings with it so many other health issues. A couple years flew by, and I felt like my life was flying with it. I began having nightmares and flashbacks of a time when I was sexually abused by a man in the church. I was only in kindergarten. I grew bitter at God, asking him questions as to why he would let such a thing happen. My mom wouldn’t let me talk about it. She wouldn’t let me ask her questions. When I sought to get counseling, she said it was just hanging dirty laundry out to dry. My siblings and I were constantly fighting. No guys showed interest in me. I felt worthless. My dreams of being married and having kids someday seemed bleak. I may have only been a teenager, but the world appears so small to a teenager. At that age, you tend to look from the inside out, not the outside in. Future to you is just you and the people you see around you. Your mind doesn’t think of the possibilities beyond that. So, I withdrew into myself and became best friends with my darkest secret, because that seemed to be the only thing I could control.

I suddenly found myself getting rid of anything I put in my mouth, even water. I was obsessed. The constant throwing up plagued me with headaches, exhaustion, and the inability to concentrate. If I was exceptionally upset about something, I’d sneak to the kitchen in the middle of the night and eat away my sorrows. I always amazed myself with how much I could binge on in one sitting. When I couldn’t shove anything else into my mouth, I’d drag myself to the bathroom and let it all go. My darkest secret almost became a religion. I never skipped a day. I never skipped a meal. It was there beside me the whole time.

As I packed for my Freshman year of college, I packed my entire life: my clothes, my hair stuff, my school supplies, and my darkest secret. How in the world was I going to hide my secret in a dorm room full of girls, where the bathrooms were community—a bunch of stalls in one room? But, I figured out a way. I always seemed to figure out a way. Halfway through the first semester, I made a desperate attempt to stop my bulimia. But, by that time, it had grown into an addiction. Instead of throwing up all my meals, I just got rid of whatever I felt was unhealthy. I became calorie conscious and only let myself eat a certain number of calories each day. Anything beyond that ended up in the toilet bowl.

Did I enjoy my darkest secret? Absolutely not! There were so many days when I’d stand at the bathroom stall door in tears, just wanting it to stop. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I hated how it made me feel. I hated how I was so dependent on it. Dependent for what? I wanted self-esteem. I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to feel good, and I got none of that. I hated myself. So, I tried to channel my addiction elsewhere. I started drinking coffee by the pots. It did help deter my throwing up, but only a little bit. Through being busy with school and life, things got a little better. My bulimic tendencies came less often, but I was still plagued with caloric numbers and meal sizes.

The summer after my senior year of college, I met a wonderful man. He showed interest in me, and that interest quickly turned to love. He helped me see that I really was a beautiful person and that all the pain I was inflicting on myself was not necessary. Months later, we married, but my addiction followed closely behind. Six weeks into our marriage, while my husband was at work, I had a heavy battle with my addiction and I lost. I found myself lying on the floor afterward, sobbing. I was so tired. I didn’t know what to do other than to pray. I begged the Lord to “please take this away from me! I don’t care how You do it, Lord. Please, oh please help me overcome this. I can’t do it on my own. I’m so tired of it. I don’t want it anymore. Please do something . . . anything!”

Days later, my husband and I found out I was pregnant. The responsibility of a baby weighed heavy on my heart. Suddenly, that same switch that flipped back in eighth grade flipped again. I couldn’t carry my darkest secret anymore. I couldn’t do that to our baby. If I harmed my body, I’d harm our baby. There just wasn’t room for my darkest secret and our baby. I resolved that I had to beat this battle with bulimia for our baby. It certainly wasn’t easy, but nine months later, I gave birth to a beautiful, strong, healthy baby boy.

I look back, and I see that God answered my prayer. In a world of hurt, He reached down and lifted me up. I begged for him to do something, and He did. He gave us a baby, because He knew that my heart was bigger than my hurt. My heart would care more for that baby than for what I supposed to be an overweight body. Our son is now a year old, and I am at the healthiest weight I have ever been in my entire life (without any help from bulimia). Yes, the temptation will always still be there, as is for any addiction, but I’m freed from its shackles. I owe my freedom to an all-too gracious God, a loving husband, and a precious baby boy.

I know I’m not the only one who struggled with eating disorders. There are so many women out there struggling with the same thing. To those of you who don’t see the hope . . . It IS possible to pull through! You too can be free of it. It’s not easy, but it CAN be done!

Some More Ways to Help the Fight Against Breast Cancer.

2011-10-05T05:00:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, Laura blogged about helping raise money for the fight against breast cancer by saving your pink Yoplait yogurt lids.

I found another way to help, and this one is just as easy! P&G is helping raise up to $500,000 (minimum donation of $250,000) during breast cancer awareness month. There are basically 3 ways to help them raise money:

Through a rebate. When you spend $50 on Venus, Olay, Secret, CoverGirl, Nice 'n Easy, Pantene, Safeguard or Ivory between 9/1/11 and 10/31/11, you get $10 back via mail-in rebate, and they donate $10 to the National Breast Cancer Foundation! For more information on the rebate, including the form, you can go to: http://www.pgpinkrebate.com/pink_rebate.pdf
Through Facebook. For every "like" of their facebook page: (facebook.com/PGUnitedWeBeautify), 10 cents will be donated to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. This is SUPER easy to do. And I recommend sharing this with your friends too-- think about it-- if you shared this with 10 of your friends and they ALL did it, that's a whole $1 to the NBCF for just sharing the news!
Through coupons. Yall know I LOVE coupons. P&G always runs great ones at the beginning of each month in the Sunday paper. What's great is that for each brandSAVER coupon that you redeem from the 10/2/11 and 10/16/11 brandSAVER inserts, P&G will contribute 2 cents towards a minimum donation of $250,000.

I hope that we'll all try to do at least one of these things. It's just a little way to help against the fight against breast cancer. And if you've found something that we've not mentioned on the blog, please email us and let us know! We'd love to share with the other readers ways that they can help out too!

Baby Doubts Part II

2011-10-04T06:00:00.000-04:00

WOW - y'all are awesome! The comments on this point about knowing when you are ready for a baby really helped me calm down a bit on the whole subject. Since you guys were so open with me, I thought I would give you a little update on me!

For right now, I'm letting it go. I'm letting go of thinking about it, worrying about, wondering about it and talking about it (sort of, clearly I'm talking about it now, ha!).

Here's the thing: When I was in college, all I wanted to get to seminary so that I could start really digging into studying theology. When I was in seminary, all I wanted was to be pastoring a church. When I was single, I just wanted to be married. I feel like I have spent the last ten years of my always waiting for the next thing.

And I think I have decided that I really want to enjoy where I am.

Right now, I am working a job that I have dreamed of having for years. I am married to someone who loves and adores me (the feeling is mutual!). We are both in jobs that love and jobs that provide for our little family. We aren't rich but we're not as pinched as we were when I was in graduate school. We can go on dates - we took a vacation! We are still growing together as people and as a couple.

I think we're in a pretty awesome place in our lives. And I want to enjoy it!

I don't want to waste this stage in my life waiting for the next - does that make sense?

So that's where I'm at! And I honestly hope that when I am ready to move on to another stage, I don't rush that one either. Life moves so quickly - I am really going to try to live each moment for the moment that it is.

Liberated From Fear

2011-10-03T06:00:00.000-04:00

While reading the book Nurture the other day there was a quote by Marianne Williamson. I'm just going to post that today and add nothing to it because I think it is awesome all on its own.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Life As You Know It

2011-09-29T06:00:00.000-04:00

Recently, I listened to a sermon by a friend of mine that references 1 Cor. 7 and how it relates to singleness. He spoke about how he believed he would be engaged by the time he graduated college, then seminary… but none of it happened. I, too, believed this about myself. At my school, we girls called this working toward our M.R.S. degree. Well, I failed miserably at that subject and went into the professional field completely unsure of where my life was headed.

My friend also discussed how others treat the subject of his singleness. Now, his situation is a bit different because he is a pastor, and people have tons of opinions about what a pastor should be and how he/she can effectively do the job if they have not experienced certain life situations. I will not even begin to suggest that I have a clue how that feels for him. However, I know that as a single woman in my late 20’s, I get many differing opinions on my singleness, as well.

Most people see my life as great. I can travel, I don’t have anyone to answer for but myself, and I have much less responsibility… right? That’s what they think, anyway. I mean, it is true, to a point. As soon as you are married, you have one more person to worry about in your life. Anyway, I digress. Other people look at me with pity and I know secretly analyze what could possibly be wrong with me that I haven’t snagged a man yet. Trust me, those thoughts have run through my mind, too.

However, after thinking on his sermon, I began to read 1 Corinthians 7 myself. Verse 17 says,

“Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.”

God can call us to different stages at various times in our lives, but whatever stage we are in, we should use it to the glory of God and not worry about changing it. I don’t necessarily take this to mean that I shouldn’t try to meet someone. I believe that it just means that if I feel life is unfair, I need to remember that God has called me to be single for a reason and, without a doubt, that reason has something to do with Him. I need to quit thinking about myself and simply live for God, no matter my relationship status.

Verse 34 says: “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit, but a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband.”

This is just more proof that I need to focus on the Lord, because as an unmarried woman, my life should be completely for Him.

My goal as a single woman, and I encourage all single women to do the same, is to create the best life I can with the resources God has given me. Don’t worry about what other people think your life should be. Whether you like it or not, God has called you to be single at this stage in your life, and you need to make the most of it. Enjoy it while you can, because you never know when it will end. Then you will have to learn how to do a whole new stage in life. At least, if you are a seasoned single person like myself, you can take comfort in knowing you are a pro at the single life. J

Girlfriends, Getaways and Food.

2011-09-27T22:52:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I went away for a few days to Kansas City with some of my girlfriends. It was so good to getaway. SO good. There were only 6 of us. But I had to laugh when I saw our luggage rack.

I only packed a duffle bag and 4 pieces of hanging clothes. The 2 girls in my room however, packed two LARGE suitcases. I felt like we were moving in for a week. Not two nights. Clue #1 that it's a girls getaway.

Clue #2? Oh, that would be the 20 bottles of water, 12 cans of diet soda, 2 packages of Sam's Club muffins (which are incredibly good I might add), 3 bags of candy (candy corn, tootsie rolls and more candy corn), 3 boxes of candy (sweedish fish, starbursts and sour patch kids), 8 bags of popcorn, two bags of chex mix, 1 box of cheez-its, 1 bag of indulgent trail mix (which is pretty much heaven if you haven't had it) and a bag of bagels.... I'm pretty sure if an army had stayed with us we still wouldn't have run out of food!

Do you guys have this problem (and I'm not really sure it's a problem- I mean, if you look at that list, it's a great stash of food if I do say so myself!) when you travel or get together with your friends?

Baby Doubts

2011-09-27T06:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, girls. I'm driving my husband crazy.

I am 26 years old and am definitely at that age where my facebook news feed is filled with pregnancy announcements, bump watches and baby pictures. I am more and more convinced that baby fever is contagious. Without knowing whether it was something I genuinely wanted or something that I caught, I started constantly droning on and on about babies and children and parenting and my poor husband was left wondering where this all came from.

But over the last couple of weeks, the fever is gone.

All of a sudden I wonder if I am capable of taking care of another human being.

I wonder if I am willing to sacrifice my freedom and flexibility (I'm not even sure I'm ready to get a dog!).

I wonder if I could ever afford children (seriously y'all - I cannot imagine how expensive college is going to be in 20 years).

I wonder how I would be able to handle balancing work and home when I'm not sure I do a great job at it now.

Needless to say, I'm definitely not there yet. And honestly, Bruce and I are only in our mid-twenties, so I'm okay with that.

But I am curious ... For those of you out there with kiddoes - when/how did you know?

For those of you without kiddoes - are any of you having these questions?